I'm sure all of this will happen. You have been warned ...
** January 24, 2017 – The Panthers lose a thriller to Louisville at the Pete by the score of 98-101. After falling behind 52-18 the half, the Panthers storm back behind Mike Young and Jamel Artis, who both set Panther single game records by scoring 46 points each. The Panthers have a chance to tie in the final seconds, but Chris Jones misses his only shot attempt of the game, a ten footer in the lane. Justice Kithcart rounds out the Panther scoring with a pair of threes.
** January 26 -- On the Kevin Stallings show, Coach Stallings proclaims: “I was glad that we got Justice going, but we lost to Louisville because we have to get more scoring from folks other than Justice.”
** January 28 – Corey Manigualt, Justice Kithcart, Cam Johnson, Sheldon Jeter and Chris Jones all score in double figures, while Mike and Jamel are held to 3 points each, and the Panthers lose to Clemson 56-57 to go to 1-7 in the ACC. In his post-game remarks, Stallings notes how he was displeased with his team’s defensive effort and that he needs his big guns to score more.
** February 5 – After defeating New England in the AFC Championship by the score of 4-3, the Steelers lose to the Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl LI by the score of 15-0.
** February 6 – Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley is fired by the Steelers.
** February 8 – University of Pittsburgh Chancellor Patrick Gallagher offers Todd Haley a $3.75 million contract to be the new Offensive Coordinator for the Panther Football Team.
** February 12 – Chancellor Gallagher holds a press conference to announce Todd Haley as the new offensive coordinator. The Chancellor remarks: “I know it’s unusual for the University Chancellor to offer a contact to a new offensive coordinator, without an AD in place, especially at this amount of money. But I’m ‘all-in’ for sports at Pitt.” Head Coach Pat Narduzzi, vacationing in the Australian Outback, could not be reached for comment.
** February 18 – In front of a crowd of 199 at the Peterson Events Center, which includes 48 Pep Band members and 40 cheerleaders and 58 dance team members, the Panthers lose to #1 Florida State 88-33 to fall to 1-13 in ACC Conference Play.
** February 19 – Chancellor Gallagher announces former Panther Basketball great Charles Smith as the new Athletic Director at the University of Pittsburgh. Gallagher remarks: “With Haley as our Offensive Coordinator and that other guy as our Head Coach, football is now set. I wanted a Basketball guy as the AD to get hoops back on track.”
** February 20 – Pat Narduzzi returns from the Outback, and upon hearing about his new offensive coordinator and his $3.75 million contract, resigns as Head Coach of the Football Team.
** February 21 – In his first move as AD, Smith removes the “Script Pitt” logo from all Pitt uniforms returning to the “Block Pitt” logo used circa 2004. Smith remarks: “I wanted to go back to Pitt’s tradition of success, and 2004 was a great year in Pitt sports. After all, it was the only time we were ever in the BCS and the hoops team was a #3 seed.”
** February 25 – The Panthers fall to 1-15 in ACC Hoops play after a 155-158 triple OT thriller loss to UNC at the Peterson Events Center. Following the game, AD Smith reaffirms his faith in Coach Stallings because “he is an offensive genius because he gives his players plenty of offensive freedom.”
** March 4 – AD Smith fires Kevin Stallings after Virginia holds the Panthers scoreless, (a final score of 33-0) at the Pete in their last ACC game to go 1-17 in League play. At his press conference, Smith says: “We need a coach who can put more structure into how they play offense. We also need to generate some fan interest again. Attendance for our previous home game was only two people – some geeky middle aged guy who writes some tired old ‘dribbles’ on a message board after every game and his son who did nothing but play on his iphone all game.”
** March 5 – Paul Evans is named as interim coach of the Hoops team. AD Smith says: “I think it’s time I gave Paul another chance. Besides, I knew he wasn’t doing anything else and he was the only guy I knew who I could get on this kind of notice.”
** March 11 – After defeating Miami, Virginia Tech, Notre Dame and Duke, the Panthers defeat Florida State 72-71 to win the ACC Tournament. By scoring 120 points apiece during the event, Ryan Luther and Cam Johnson are named Co-MVP’s. Following the game, Interim Coach Evans said: “I’m glad I was able to play 11 guys, because our depth was certainly the difference in the event.”
** March 14 – The 12th seeded Panthers lose to TCU, 42-41 in OT in the Round One play-in NCAA Tournament game in Dayton. The Panthers led 38-35 with 5.5 seconds to go in regulation until TCU guard Jaylen Fisher drove full court untouched and hit a three to send the game into overtime. Fisher’s two free throws following an Evans technical with 2 seconds remaining in OT prove to be the game winners.
** March 15 – AD Smith fires Interim Coach Evans after all of the returning players and signed recruits threaten to leave if Evans is still around.
** March 16 – Smith names Walt Harris as the new Head Coach of the Football team. Smith said he hired Harris because he was the only Football Coach ever to get the Panthers to a BCS game. He also noted that he was the only coach willing to take the $155,000 salary available because of the $3.75 million they were paying Haley.
** April 4 – After getting past #5 seed Florida, #4 seed Arizona, #1 seed Kentucky, #2 seed Gonzaga, #1 seed Villanova, TCU beats #1 seed UCLA in the Championship game by the score of 26-25. TCU is the lowest seeded team ever to win the NCAA tournament.
** April 5 – AD Smith fires Offensive Coordinator Haley to free up some money to make a sizable offer to get Jamie Dixon to return to Pitt as the Hoops coach. Smith also remarks: “Harris is also an offensive genius, so we didn’t actually need two offensive geniuses on the football staff.”
** April 6 – Jamie Dixon turns down a $6 million a year offer to return to Pitt and uses the Pitt offer to force TCU to offer him a lifetime contract at $10 million per year.
** May 1 – AD Smith decides he isn’t going to hire a new basketball coach and instead will only hire quality assistants because “everyone knows that Pitt Hoops has declined because we haven’t had quality assistants since 2011. I’d rather just eliminate the middle man.”
** May 2 -- Patrick Gallagher fires Charles Smith as AD.
** June 1 – Chancellor Gallagher hires Jerome Lane as the new Coach of the University of Pittsburgh Men’s Basketball Team. At the announcement press conference, Gallagher brings in Bill Raftery to make the announcement by saying "SEND IT IN JEROME!"
** July 1 – Gallagher announces Dave Wannstedt as the new AD.
(End of Part One)
** January 24, 2017 – The Panthers lose a thriller to Louisville at the Pete by the score of 98-101. After falling behind 52-18 the half, the Panthers storm back behind Mike Young and Jamel Artis, who both set Panther single game records by scoring 46 points each. The Panthers have a chance to tie in the final seconds, but Chris Jones misses his only shot attempt of the game, a ten footer in the lane. Justice Kithcart rounds out the Panther scoring with a pair of threes.
** January 26 -- On the Kevin Stallings show, Coach Stallings proclaims: “I was glad that we got Justice going, but we lost to Louisville because we have to get more scoring from folks other than Justice.”
** January 28 – Corey Manigualt, Justice Kithcart, Cam Johnson, Sheldon Jeter and Chris Jones all score in double figures, while Mike and Jamel are held to 3 points each, and the Panthers lose to Clemson 56-57 to go to 1-7 in the ACC. In his post-game remarks, Stallings notes how he was displeased with his team’s defensive effort and that he needs his big guns to score more.
** February 5 – After defeating New England in the AFC Championship by the score of 4-3, the Steelers lose to the Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl LI by the score of 15-0.
** February 6 – Offensive Coordinator Todd Haley is fired by the Steelers.
** February 8 – University of Pittsburgh Chancellor Patrick Gallagher offers Todd Haley a $3.75 million contract to be the new Offensive Coordinator for the Panther Football Team.
** February 12 – Chancellor Gallagher holds a press conference to announce Todd Haley as the new offensive coordinator. The Chancellor remarks: “I know it’s unusual for the University Chancellor to offer a contact to a new offensive coordinator, without an AD in place, especially at this amount of money. But I’m ‘all-in’ for sports at Pitt.” Head Coach Pat Narduzzi, vacationing in the Australian Outback, could not be reached for comment.
** February 18 – In front of a crowd of 199 at the Peterson Events Center, which includes 48 Pep Band members and 40 cheerleaders and 58 dance team members, the Panthers lose to #1 Florida State 88-33 to fall to 1-13 in ACC Conference Play.
** February 19 – Chancellor Gallagher announces former Panther Basketball great Charles Smith as the new Athletic Director at the University of Pittsburgh. Gallagher remarks: “With Haley as our Offensive Coordinator and that other guy as our Head Coach, football is now set. I wanted a Basketball guy as the AD to get hoops back on track.”
** February 20 – Pat Narduzzi returns from the Outback, and upon hearing about his new offensive coordinator and his $3.75 million contract, resigns as Head Coach of the Football Team.
** February 21 – In his first move as AD, Smith removes the “Script Pitt” logo from all Pitt uniforms returning to the “Block Pitt” logo used circa 2004. Smith remarks: “I wanted to go back to Pitt’s tradition of success, and 2004 was a great year in Pitt sports. After all, it was the only time we were ever in the BCS and the hoops team was a #3 seed.”
** February 25 – The Panthers fall to 1-15 in ACC Hoops play after a 155-158 triple OT thriller loss to UNC at the Peterson Events Center. Following the game, AD Smith reaffirms his faith in Coach Stallings because “he is an offensive genius because he gives his players plenty of offensive freedom.”
** March 4 – AD Smith fires Kevin Stallings after Virginia holds the Panthers scoreless, (a final score of 33-0) at the Pete in their last ACC game to go 1-17 in League play. At his press conference, Smith says: “We need a coach who can put more structure into how they play offense. We also need to generate some fan interest again. Attendance for our previous home game was only two people – some geeky middle aged guy who writes some tired old ‘dribbles’ on a message board after every game and his son who did nothing but play on his iphone all game.”
** March 5 – Paul Evans is named as interim coach of the Hoops team. AD Smith says: “I think it’s time I gave Paul another chance. Besides, I knew he wasn’t doing anything else and he was the only guy I knew who I could get on this kind of notice.”
** March 11 – After defeating Miami, Virginia Tech, Notre Dame and Duke, the Panthers defeat Florida State 72-71 to win the ACC Tournament. By scoring 120 points apiece during the event, Ryan Luther and Cam Johnson are named Co-MVP’s. Following the game, Interim Coach Evans said: “I’m glad I was able to play 11 guys, because our depth was certainly the difference in the event.”
** March 14 – The 12th seeded Panthers lose to TCU, 42-41 in OT in the Round One play-in NCAA Tournament game in Dayton. The Panthers led 38-35 with 5.5 seconds to go in regulation until TCU guard Jaylen Fisher drove full court untouched and hit a three to send the game into overtime. Fisher’s two free throws following an Evans technical with 2 seconds remaining in OT prove to be the game winners.
** March 15 – AD Smith fires Interim Coach Evans after all of the returning players and signed recruits threaten to leave if Evans is still around.
** March 16 – Smith names Walt Harris as the new Head Coach of the Football team. Smith said he hired Harris because he was the only Football Coach ever to get the Panthers to a BCS game. He also noted that he was the only coach willing to take the $155,000 salary available because of the $3.75 million they were paying Haley.
** April 4 – After getting past #5 seed Florida, #4 seed Arizona, #1 seed Kentucky, #2 seed Gonzaga, #1 seed Villanova, TCU beats #1 seed UCLA in the Championship game by the score of 26-25. TCU is the lowest seeded team ever to win the NCAA tournament.
** April 5 – AD Smith fires Offensive Coordinator Haley to free up some money to make a sizable offer to get Jamie Dixon to return to Pitt as the Hoops coach. Smith also remarks: “Harris is also an offensive genius, so we didn’t actually need two offensive geniuses on the football staff.”
** April 6 – Jamie Dixon turns down a $6 million a year offer to return to Pitt and uses the Pitt offer to force TCU to offer him a lifetime contract at $10 million per year.
** May 1 – AD Smith decides he isn’t going to hire a new basketball coach and instead will only hire quality assistants because “everyone knows that Pitt Hoops has declined because we haven’t had quality assistants since 2011. I’d rather just eliminate the middle man.”
** May 2 -- Patrick Gallagher fires Charles Smith as AD.
** June 1 – Chancellor Gallagher hires Jerome Lane as the new Coach of the University of Pittsburgh Men’s Basketball Team. At the announcement press conference, Gallagher brings in Bill Raftery to make the announcement by saying "SEND IT IN JEROME!"
** July 1 – Gallagher announces Dave Wannstedt as the new AD.
(End of Part One)
