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Breaking News...Dateline September 6, 2015

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The much anticipated start of the Pat Narduzzi era was welcomed by the ESPN4 crew and an absolutely beautiful sunny day. Fans arrived by bus, train, car, boat, litter and on horseback to see the beginning of what many expect to be a return to greatness for Pitt Football.

The “Pitt Victory Song,” with the recently approved “Penn State Sucks” chant reverberated throughout the neighborhoods as the Pitt Band marched from the Petersen Events Center down to Heinz Field. Scott Barnes and a life-size picture of Cas Myslinki highlighted a float trailing the Pitt Band and symbolizing the bridge between past and future greatness. Jackie Sherrill made his long awaited return to Pittsburgh bringing up the rear of the parade and riding a rather docile bull. To the delight of the throngs of fans lining Forbes Avenue, he could often be heard bellowing “Did you really think I was going to stay out of college football? And what, leave it to the Jay Paterno’s of the world?” The only glitch in an otherwise majestic pre-game celebration was frustrated stadium turnstile attendants walking off their jobs as a mob of 62,500 eager fans approached the stadium in unison at 11:30. However, an ecstatic and quick-thinking Barnes encouraged all fans not openly packing a weapon to jump the turnstiles and go directly to their seats.

The script Pitt was prominently displayed throughout the stadium and in a further effort to rekindle the past, Greek letter-wielding fraternities and sororities swarmed the field to form the human tunnel anticipating the team’s entrance.

As a camera followed the team from the locker room to the tunnel in disguised silhouette and Flicka Da Wrist played in the background, a totally shocked crowd erupted as one when the silhouette turned to a sun-drenched live shot of the team exploding onto the field in their new uniforms previously not expected until next year. (Note, an ESPN 30 for 30 segment which aired after the game told of Nike’s Indonesian efforts to advance the deadline). The excitement, however, turned to stunned silence as fans quickly realized that the uniforms were nothing short of a “Maryland meets Oregon” mutation.

But neither the uniforms nor the pre-game MADD banner circling high above the stadium could dampen the euphoria created by the complete and utter massacre handed to the overmatched Penguins. The 55-2 drubbing was never in doubt as Avonte Maddox, wearing #23 in support of Tyler Boyd, took the opening kickoff 102 yards to the house. A new attitude of supreme confidence for Pitt football was evident as early as the opening coin toss as ESPN cameras picked up honorary captain Ricky Jackson telling the referee when he won the toss, “we want the f%$@ing ball!”

Chad Voytik was an efficient 15-18 for 189 yards and James Conner put Heisman voters on notice as he picked up 203 yards, both playing only in the first half.

Jordan Whitehead’s debut was a categorical success as he caught, threw and intercepted passes for touchdowns and worked the Primanti’s concession at halftime.

The Josh Conklin swarming and suffocating defense completely shut down Bo Pelini’s vaunted offense and made everyone quickly forget the splendor of Matt House. If not for a late-game fumble in the endzone by QB Nate Bossory, Pitt would have recorded it’s second straight opening day shut-out.

When asked about the drubbing in his post-game press conference, the ever-pleasant Pelini threw his cap down and asked “What the hell kind of question is that?" He later blamed the officials for a bunch of “Chicken Shit” calls and said "If they want to fire me, go ahead…my record at Youngstown State speaks for itself.”

Narduzzi was not available for comment after the game, however, in an apparent shout out to potential recruits, he simply tweeted “1-0 #412Crew Have you seen enough yet? #H2P”

All in all it was a great start to what many think may be Pitts return to glory (cue Springsteen’s “Glory Days”).
 
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