Got into shovel fight last night all though not really true shovel fight because I used a yard rake.....so garden tool fight to be clearly. Wifes DINGUS one time brother in law came over thinking he knows how to lay patio stone without stake and string. NOT how I was taught buddy. I said you damn dingus take your circus else where because my stone will be straight. This is cheap stone to put shed on top but still like it to be straight. We have a garden bed out there and I like it to match up. DINGUS boy grabs a spade shovel and hits me square in the foot while I am crouched over and acts like he missed a dig. I looked back calm as a tom cat and used some colorful language I will not bother to repeat. Knew eight away what was going on. He clenched his spade like a lewyville slugger so I grabbed a close by yard rake and said I am your colorful language devil right now big boy. He tried cracking me from over the top with the spade and I cross blocked with the rake like indiana jones. Did a spin with the rake and took him out from the back side of the leg. Was prepared to go all night if I had to but he fell on his dingus rump like a bean stalk giant and decided this was a battle he would NOT win. Told me not worth it and walked back to his DINGUS truck and drove away. I stayed up all night looking out the kitchen window thinking he might return with some coors muscles but never did. Not a big coff3e drinker but boy I had some last night as well as wetting my face in the sink. This is why you do a job the right way. Now you havs two men waiting for the next move and my eyes burning like hell.
Shovel fight
- Thread starter PGHShoeCobblerTheBEST
- Start date
Thank you for this update on your life and your mental health status
that story needs a couple "anyways"'s and a "no joke" or two mixed in there...
Barfy was a fine pet
He fetched stick and played dead
Every day he'd get fed
And he'd bring home the paper for Dad, good boy!
But all the neighbors liked Barfy
Cause he was good with the kids
But at night he'd make a racket
Knocking down trash can lids
Mother looked in the cupboard
And saw that it was bare
She went to get the food stamps
But there were no food stamps there
The family butcher keeps a secret
That he will never tell
It's about our pet dog Barfy
Which he did chop to hell!
Pass the refried beans
And pass the mashed rice cakes
And pass the buttered noodles
And don't forget the Barfy steaks
Now our problems are leviated
We'll never be short a meal
We had our dog USDA graded
It's right next to the veal
We think we'll get another dog
But this one will be purebred
And make sure all this meat
Is tender, lean, and red!
He fetched stick and played dead
Every day he'd get fed
And he'd bring home the paper for Dad, good boy!
But all the neighbors liked Barfy
Cause he was good with the kids
But at night he'd make a racket
Knocking down trash can lids
Mother looked in the cupboard
And saw that it was bare
She went to get the food stamps
But there were no food stamps there
The family butcher keeps a secret
That he will never tell
It's about our pet dog Barfy
Which he did chop to hell!
Pass the refried beans
And pass the mashed rice cakes
And pass the buttered noodles
And don't forget the Barfy steaks
Now our problems are leviated
We'll never be short a meal
We had our dog USDA graded
It's right next to the veal
We think we'll get another dog
But this one will be purebred
And make sure all this meat
Is tender, lean, and red!
You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other
People, here, in the trailer park.
Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're
Good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
Watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
Back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people,
Stuart. But they don't know ... what the queers are doing
To the soil!
You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers
In the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors
Say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.
Kept bugging his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never
Ask for anything else as long as I live." So the guy
Breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's
The Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are
You looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl."
I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows
The burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you
Think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Stuart, do you
Think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are
Doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer
My oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into
Town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride
Called The Mixer. The man said, "Keep your head, and arms, inside
The Mixer at all times." But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just
Like his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody,
Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They found
His head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphlet
In there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr.
And it's entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our
Soil?"
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
There's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
For an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The government
Says it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on,
Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.
They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God.
You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other
People, here in this trailer park.
People, here, in the trailer park.
Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're
Good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
Watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick
Back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people,
Stuart. But they don't know ... what the queers are doing
To the soil!
You know that Jonny Wurster kid, the kid that delivers papers
In the neighborhood. He's a foreign kid. Some of the neighbors
Say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it.
Anyway, for his tenth birthday, all he wanted was a Burrow Owl.
Kept bugging his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never
Ask for anything else as long as I live." So the guy
Breaks down and buys him a burrow owl.
Anyway, 10:30, the other night, I go out in my yard, and there's
The Wurster kid, looking up in the tree. I say, "What are
You looking for?" He says "I'm looking for my burrow owl."
I say, "Jumping Jesus on a Pogo Stick. Everybody knows
The burrow owl lives. In a hole. In the ground. Why the hell do you
Think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?" Now Stuart, do you
Think a kid like that is going to know what the queers are
Doing to the soil?
I first became aware of this about ten years ago, the summer
My oldest boy, Bill Jr. died. You know that carnival comes into
Town every year? Well this year they came through with a ride
Called The Mixer. The man said, "Keep your head, and arms, inside
The Mixer at all times." But Bill Jr, he was a DAAAREDEVIL, just
Like his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody,
Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They found
His head over by the snow cone concession.
A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there's a pamphlet
In there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it's addressed to Bill, Jr.
And it's entitled, "Do you know what the queers are doing to our
Soil?"
Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city,
There's a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa,
For an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart.
You can't build on it; you can't grow anything in it. The government
Says it's due to poor farming. But I know what's really going on,
Stuart. I know it's the queers. They're in it with the aliens.
They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to
God.
You know what, Stuart, I like you. You're not like the other
People, here in this trailer park.
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