Coach ain't go for the tuddie down 7 on 4th and goal .
Dat's a coachin' malpractice.
Now you in the hospital cause you banged ya head off the wall.
Doctor says you might have a concussion.
Says you might not remember the time Pitt lost 72-0 and you vowed to never watch again.
Now you watchin' again, and they ain't tacklin' nobody.
You throw a object at the TV.
TV falls on ya wife.
Now she goin' into labor.
She gotta have a C-section.
Baby come out prematurely.
His brain too tiny.
Now he a Pitt fan, cause he ain't know no better.
You ain't want that baby to be a Pitt fan.
You ain't want that baby to know 75 years of pain.
It was a accident.
They happen every day.
It could happen to you.
That tiny baby growin' up fast.
He five today.
You at the grocery store, buyin' him a birthday cake.
It's a Pitt cake.
You asked for the script, but the cake decorator gave you block.
Now you throwin' up ya arms in distress.
The floors is all wet.
Deli associate ain't mop it right.
You slip and fall.
It was a beautiful day.
You was gonna get that cake and make a fruit salad.
Now you on ya back, like you hostin' a Hugh Freeze recruit.
You think you paralyzed.
Why you ain't mop that floor right?
Ambulance come and take you away.
You goin' back to the hospital.
You bout to get rich.
Cake error and a wet floor in the same trip?
Dat's a millionaire's parlay.
Uh oh, we got a problem...
Drunk driver just hit into da ambulance.
He get out the car.
Empties is rollin' down the street.
He wearin' a WVU pullover.
HGGYBEAR novelty plate.
Why you hit me, coach?
Why you bout to make me more rich?
Now you livin' in the nice part of town.
Suburb of Pixburgh.
Ya Pitt fan kid is bout to go D1.
He a 4 star.
But he ain't committin' to Pitt.
Naw, he live in a nice area now.
He goin' to Penn State.
His mama cryin'.
She wore a Pitt hoodie to da commitment ceremony.
But Terry Smith say he can start.
He ain't startin' tho.
He gettin' water for Nick Singleton.
He rubbin' knots out Nick's calves.
Dat's recruitment fraud.
Now he tryna transfer back home.
But Pitt say we ain't got no money to pay him.
No money???
But Duzz makin' 6.7 mil a year.
Dat's a million per win.
And y'all got that volleyball fortress up on the hill.
Who pay like that for volleyball?
Dat's athletic department negligence.
Now he transferrin' to Western Carolina.
But they lookin' at him funny.
Why they lookin' at ya boy like that?
Ohhh, I get it.
They don't like no one from Pixburgh.
Pixburgh steal all their coaches and players.
Pixburgh like them FCS boys.
He don't even know what a catamount is, but they throwin' trash on his lawn for bein' one.
Trash bring bears.
Mama black bear show up at his front door.
She ain't playin' today.
She a Cal fan.
They just blew a 40-point lead to Miami.
Ya boy open up the door and get bit.
Dat's a wild animal attack cause of da trash.
Now he done wit playin' football.
He move out to da Bayou.
He filmin' practices for coach.
Coach tell him climb up this tower.
But Coach Kelly, it's windy today.
Don't matter, boy. Get up that tower.
Your boy climb up like Arnie Grape.
Tower shakin'.
Think we goin' down.
Ya boy end up in a swamp.
Eaten by a gator.
I think we got somethin' here.
Think you need to call Top Dog.
Think you bout to be Scrooge McDuck.
Quack, quack - da money is back.
You an Oregon fan this week.
Go to da park and get dat bread, Duck.
Oregon 30 - Penn State 20
Dat's a coachin' malpractice.
Now you in the hospital cause you banged ya head off the wall.
Doctor says you might have a concussion.
Says you might not remember the time Pitt lost 72-0 and you vowed to never watch again.
Now you watchin' again, and they ain't tacklin' nobody.
You throw a object at the TV.
TV falls on ya wife.
Now she goin' into labor.
She gotta have a C-section.
Baby come out prematurely.
His brain too tiny.
Now he a Pitt fan, cause he ain't know no better.
You ain't want that baby to be a Pitt fan.
You ain't want that baby to know 75 years of pain.
It was a accident.
They happen every day.
It could happen to you.
That tiny baby growin' up fast.
He five today.
You at the grocery store, buyin' him a birthday cake.
It's a Pitt cake.
You asked for the script, but the cake decorator gave you block.
Now you throwin' up ya arms in distress.
The floors is all wet.
Deli associate ain't mop it right.
You slip and fall.
It was a beautiful day.
You was gonna get that cake and make a fruit salad.
Now you on ya back, like you hostin' a Hugh Freeze recruit.
You think you paralyzed.
Why you ain't mop that floor right?
Ambulance come and take you away.
You goin' back to the hospital.
You bout to get rich.
Cake error and a wet floor in the same trip?
Dat's a millionaire's parlay.
Uh oh, we got a problem...
Drunk driver just hit into da ambulance.
He get out the car.
Empties is rollin' down the street.
He wearin' a WVU pullover.
HGGYBEAR novelty plate.
Why you hit me, coach?
Why you bout to make me more rich?
Now you livin' in the nice part of town.
Suburb of Pixburgh.
Ya Pitt fan kid is bout to go D1.
He a 4 star.
But he ain't committin' to Pitt.
Naw, he live in a nice area now.
He goin' to Penn State.
His mama cryin'.
She wore a Pitt hoodie to da commitment ceremony.
But Terry Smith say he can start.
He ain't startin' tho.
He gettin' water for Nick Singleton.
He rubbin' knots out Nick's calves.
Dat's recruitment fraud.
Now he tryna transfer back home.
But Pitt say we ain't got no money to pay him.
No money???
But Duzz makin' 6.7 mil a year.
Dat's a million per win.
And y'all got that volleyball fortress up on the hill.
Who pay like that for volleyball?
Dat's athletic department negligence.
Now he transferrin' to Western Carolina.
But they lookin' at him funny.
Why they lookin' at ya boy like that?
Ohhh, I get it.
They don't like no one from Pixburgh.
Pixburgh steal all their coaches and players.
Pixburgh like them FCS boys.
He don't even know what a catamount is, but they throwin' trash on his lawn for bein' one.
Trash bring bears.
Mama black bear show up at his front door.
She ain't playin' today.
She a Cal fan.
They just blew a 40-point lead to Miami.
Ya boy open up the door and get bit.
Dat's a wild animal attack cause of da trash.
Now he done wit playin' football.
He move out to da Bayou.
He filmin' practices for coach.
Coach tell him climb up this tower.
But Coach Kelly, it's windy today.
Don't matter, boy. Get up that tower.
Your boy climb up like Arnie Grape.
Tower shakin'.
Think we goin' down.
Ya boy end up in a swamp.
Eaten by a gator.
I think we got somethin' here.
Think you need to call Top Dog.
Think you bout to be Scrooge McDuck.
Quack, quack - da money is back.
You an Oregon fan this week.
Go to da park and get dat bread, Duck.
Oregon 30 - Penn State 20