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Looking for some opinions of how to handle a situation...

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YourPittDanceTeam

Sophomore
Dec 8, 2010
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Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
 
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YourPittDanceTeam said:
I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents.
Click to expand...
Who is "they" in this situation? The school board or something else? I would definitely not allow it without assurances in writing that I am free from any liability for anything unsavory that might happen in the locker room while I'm not present.
 
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If this indeed happened, I feel like you're omitting a crucial detail. Namely, what this female, um, "identifies" as.

This thread won't last long, so there is no sense even opining.
 
YourPittDanceTeam said:
Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
Click to expand...

The answer is no. Even if the girl and parents are comfortable with it, the boys and their parents may not be. And even if they were, having HS age boys and girls changing clothes together is just asking for trouble.
 
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What a world we live now that this even comes up. Geez.

No. Agree with ratking17, point to some guidelines that support your position and move on. I get the impression they (the parents) DO "want to become a story on the local or national news". So protect yourself as best as possible.

What I really would like to do.... Slap the parents, tell them to wake up and to them to parent, not let the child parent herself.
 
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Panther Parrothead said:
This situation is definitely above your pay grade. Kick it upstairs and let them figure it out. You don’t wanna be caught in a situation that has all of the potential to be a powder keg.

Good luck.
Click to expand...
More on this.
You have SERIOUS liability exposure if you wade into this on your own.
Your safety in that regard comes with deferring to your supervisors.
If you start trying to figure this out on your own and acting without their say so, you are at great risk if anyone starts suing because having broke from the chain of command and BOD policy you will not be covered by insurance or the services of the school solicitor.
Whatever your beliefs or feelings are, you have you and your family to consider first and foremost. Someone names you in a law suit you are going to have to drop a $hitton on an attorney and legal fees and could face some kind of judgement that would turn your life completely upside down.
 
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1) The request needs escalated to the Board’s legal counsel;
2) do the parents of the male team members have any objection? You’re gonna have a parent unhappy somewhere no matter which way you go:
3) can a compromise be reached? Screens strategically placed? A 10 minute period to “get decent”?

Speaking to the parents with this: there are no more highly sexually charged human beings - who also have the least self control and sexual understanding - than young teens. I really don’t understand why parents refuse to accept this basic fact of human beings.

Good luck. You’re f*** if you do and f*** if you don’t.

edit: just because a parent doesn’t think of his/her child as a sexual being doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t. This is foolish of this girl’s parents. The girl can get the full “team experience” through meetings/practice/weight room sessions/games/bus rides/banquets.

Why is the 10 minute nude period so important to them? They need to self examine their motives and improve their understanding of the pitfalls of this.
 
Last edited:
Jeffburgh said:
More on this.
You have SERIOUS liability exposure if you wade into this on your own.
Your safety in that regard comes with deferring to your supervisors.
If you start trying to figure this out on your own and acting without their say so, you are at great risk if anyone starts suing because having broke from the chain of command and BOD policy you will not be covered by insurance or the services of the school solicitor.
Whatever your beliefs or feelings are, you have you and your family to consider first and foremost. Someone names you in a law suit you are going to have to drop a $hitton on an attorney and legal fees and could face some kind of judgement that would turn your life completely upside down.
Click to expand...
Everything you say, plus……if the media gets wind of a story such as this, it’s not a stretch to think that it could easily go national. Then the finger pointing starts.……
 
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YourPittDanceTeam said:
Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
Click to expand...
Absolutely pass this off to the principal and superintendent and share your opinion of what should happen with reasons why. Maybe also ask the solicitor of the school district what the policy is for this type of situation. Once you do that, see what they say before making any decisions of stepping down or staying on board.
 
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YourPittDanceTeam said:
Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
Click to expand...
What would JoePa do?
 
This isn’t legal advice, but you should get it from someone at the school. As others have said, the best thing to have done in this situation was to have immediately looped in your athletic director and whoever above him/her needs to be involved in this decision. It doesn’t sound like you did that on Monday or yesterday, so the second best thing is to do it now.

To be candid, this isn’t your decision to make. You started off on the right track by citing the national governing body guidelines for whatever your sport is, but you committed a pretty sizable error by bringing your personal opinions into it. Make no mistake - if the parents are talking about going to the news, then you have already lost.

Again, you should not make this call yourself. You should immediately contact your athletic director, who should immediately loop in people above him or her, including the school solicitor. Your athletic director will probably be unhappy that it took you until Wednesday after a Monday meeting to contact them.

When you meet with the school officials, you need to follow what they tell you to do. This isn’t a coaching discretion issue like you appear to think it is, this is a school decision. If you don’t like the answer they give you, then you have a decision to make.
 
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I coached varsity girls and frankly I breathed a huge sigh of relief the day I resigned. Although I miss it significantly, this is a day and age that you’re at risk every day. I would have kicked this upstairs immediately. No way I’m handling that on my own and along with my staff. The AD is either in the next locker room or the office next store. It’s his/her job and I’d make sure it’s in his hands, and I don’t say anything else to the parents until a meeting with the AD and administration. And I don’t have any conversations with the parents without administration or the A.D. present.
 
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The answer here is no, IMO. Having said that, I believe a reasonable accommodation could be made whereas the actual "dressing/undressing time is limited and that she is allowed in the locker room outside of that limited time. A lot goes on in the locker room that she is missing out on and most of that isn't while the kids are undressed. Or at least it shouldn't be - that is another issue where hazing occurs. It shouldn't take anyone more than 10/15 minutes to change. I don't think many, if any, kids are using the showers in locker rooms these days. My kids always showered at home after games and said that no one showered at school.
 
My coaching gig was $10,000 a year and that money was a nice little way to pay for vacation, Christmas, etc. But I don’t care if it paid $100,000 a year. I’m not touching that with a 10 foot pole.
 
pittchagg said:
I suspect it’s probably football with a female kicker kind of situation.
Click to expand...
I assume they are asking for this for when the pads come on. If the PA rules are the same as Ohio, they aren't in pads until August. Helmets, yes. But no pads. Helmets, shorts and t-shirts for June & July work.
 
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I think it’s also important to think about some of the angles from the girl’s perspective. Say it’s football. When I was in school, the girl’s team room was right next to the boy’s team room in our school, we’d change for practice and then run out to the practice field, or we’d run down to the stadium to practice or get on the bus for home games.

Is this school set up that way? Or is the girl’s locker room in a totally different spot in the building? Is the football locker room actually at the stadium, and if that’s the case is there even a girl’s locker room? Would you be asking the girl to use the visitor’s locker room? Where would she keep her equipment? What’s the setup like at all of your road venues? I remember playing at a bunch of crappy road venues with locker rooms buried under the bleachers - I don’t know if there was even a separate girl’s locker room, or if there was just one for home and visitor.

And even if there is a girl’s locker room, are you asking the girl to go into a strange locker room, at a road venue, totally alone? If she’s the only girl on the team, then there probably aren’t any female staffers to accompany her. When would she rejoin the team on the road? Most of our pregame and halftime meetings took place in the locker room.

All I’m saying is that these are probably considerations that the girl and her family have thought about, and maybe you haven’t.
 
YourPittDanceTeam said:
Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
Click to expand...
You came HERE for advice??
 
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pittchagg said:
I think it’s also important to think about some of the angles from the girl’s perspective. Say it’s football. When I was in school, the girl’s team room was right next to the boy’s team room in our school, we’d change for practice and then run out to the practice field, or we’d run down to the stadium to practice or get on the bus for home games.

Is this school set up that way? Or is the girl’s locker room in a totally different spot in the building? Is the football locker room actually at the stadium, and if that’s the case is there even a girl’s locker room? Would you be asking the girl to use the visitor’s locker room? Where would she keep her equipment? What’s the setup like at all of your road venues? I remember playing at a bunch of crappy road venues with locker rooms buried under the bleachers - I don’t know if there was even a separate girl’s locker room, or if there was just one for home and visitor.

And even if there is a girl’s locker room, are you asking the girl to go into a strange locker room, at a road venue, totally alone? If she’s the only girl on the team, then there probably aren’t any female staffers to accompany her. When would she rejoin the team on the road? Most of our pregame and halftime meetings took place in the locker room.

All I’m saying is that these are probably considerations that the girl and her family have thought about, and maybe you haven’t.
Click to expand...

Not disagreeing with any of this, but this not for a coach to decide.
 
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ratking17 said:
Not disagreeing with any of this, but this not for a coach to decide.
Click to expand...
Totally agreed. I’m more talking about some of the logistical and practical reasons why the girl, her parents, and it sounds like potentially even the school are in favor of this. They might be considering things that OP hasn’t.

No doubt that this isn’t OP’s decision to make. And I agree with the post above that he/she should probably delete the post.
 
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pittchagg said:
Totally agreed. I’m more talking about some of the logistical and practical reasons why the girl, her parents, and it sounds like potentially even the school are in favor of this. They might be considering things that OP hasn’t.

No doubt that this isn’t OP’s decision to make. And I agree with the post above that he/she should probably delete the post.
Click to expand...

You are correct. When it comes to accommodations like you are describing there needs to be discussion with whatever conference and league the school is on to make sure that every away venue these issues are taken care of in advance.
 
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YourPittDanceTeam said:
Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
Click to expand...
one of the players on my (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males)...

Kind of lost here, this is some type of varsity co-ed sport, correct?

I find the parents in these new found situations we see everywhere nowadays to be the odd balls..
 
ratking17 said:
Again...policies exist for a reason. School solicitors exist for a reason. This isn't complicated.
Click to expand...
your assertion that policies exist for the ever increasing lunacy we see with all this gender bending going on about us may be a little misguided...Don't think the girl who wants to get dressed with boys policy is on the books at most schools even now. Normal common sense never needed a "policy" in this regard in the entirety of our existence...
 
upj87 said:
your assertion that policies exist for the ever increasing lunacy we see with all this gender bending going on about us may be a little misguided...Don't think the girl who wants to get dressed with boys policy is on the books at most schools even now. Normal common sense never needed a "policy" in this regard in the entirety of our existence...
Click to expand...
Most schools have policies on the books. The OP could even look at the districts website where that is usually easily found.

Secondly if no policy currently exists, that's why districts have solicitors who would immediately encourage the district to create a policy here to avoid any type of lawsuit.

Again, the decision here is not anywhere at the coaches level and immediately requires going up the proper chain of command.
 
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ratking17 said:
Shouldn't you be watching Brady Bunch reruns?
Click to expand...
You're funny Jan. Funny ha ha.

There isn't a high school coach alive that doesn't already know that a decision like this is made by the school administration. Even a stupid football coach. Well, but then again, they often are the administrators too.
 
YourPittDanceTeam said:
Without getting into the details (because I do not want to embarrass the school, the player or her parents) I would like to get some opinions on how to handle a situation that I have unwilling been placed into.
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
I explained to those at the meeting that the rules of the national governing body for the sport has already established rules in place for who can and can't be in a locker room. In fact, none of the coaching staff is allowed to be in the locker room one on one with one of players without a 3rd party being present. They said that there was nothing in the rules that they saw that would prevent what the girl and her parents were asking for.
I again told them that I would not be comfortable with having high school age boys and girls changing clothes in the same locker room at the same time. They told me that they didn't want to become a story on the local or national news over their decision. I told them that I needed to have a couple of days to think it through and I'd let them know of mu decision next week.
I just don't think that I can let that happen. It goes against everything that I believe in. I think that they are worried with all of the "woke" issues that we see daily on the news that they are truly afraid of saying no to the girl and her parents. As of right now (and I seriously doubt that I will change my mind) I can't agree with the request and I am fully ready to step down from being the head coach of the team. What are your opinions?
Click to expand...

That decision is over your pay grade. Being a coach as well, I would take the information from the family say nothing other than "someone from the administration will be in touch"
 
YourPittDanceTeam said:
Currently, I am the head coach of a varsity level sports team. I have held this position for a couple of years now. This past Monday, at a meeting after a team practice, I was told that the parents of one of the players on my team (a female) have requested that she be allowed to change into her equipment and uniform in the same locker room with the rest of her teammates (all males).
I told those present at the meeting, that this is something that I am not comfortable in doing. I asked why and was told that the girl and her parents feel that she is missing out on "team bonding" and "just feeling part of the team".
Click to expand...
Just curious, what HS sport is practicing and having meetings on June 26? Are football teams permitted to hold practices two weeks after the previous school year ended?

My advice would be to not seek advice on anonymous message boards. I doubt that it would be your decision anyhow. Hopefully you are not just trying to stir up political talk on a forum where it is not welcome.
 
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Why you would post this on a message board is beyond me, which honestly, immediately makes me question your judgment. That said, this is not even your call. This goes up the chain of command beginning with the principal to the AD to the superintendent and the board along with the solicitor. Additionally, I hope this is fiction because you are opening yourself to liable. You already gave too much information. My goodness...
 
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Option 1: Put the request in writing and pass it off to your supervisors. Say it's out of you hands and their decision. I'm guessing the parents are trying to avoid that?

Option 2: Say "Hell No". Inform the media. Do some interviews using the word "Christian' and "Merica", perhaps even mention "Trump" and "stolen election". Accuse the school and teachers union of attacking you. Get fired and then write a book and hit the speaking circuit as "The Unwoke Coach".
 
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