That's where I am. I don't know. There is "faith" in either position. Right? Like I said, I have doubts, I profess I don't know (atheists are as annoying as vegans in telling you they are atheists).....I just have hope that there is more. And my general mostly good will be rewarded. But again, I can't imagine it is like Santa, checking a list, checking it twice, to find out who was naughty or nice. Which if you think about that, that (Santa) is rooted in all of this Christian dogma.
I don't identify as atheist. I just see so many flaws in religion that I tend to engage in heated discussions about it every time the topic comes up, haha. Actually, if anything, I kind of miss some of the nostalgia of it all. Not enough to be a faux follower of it or anything; I mostly just miss the sense of structure it brought to my worldly thought process (I mean, aside from missing silly things like how everyone's perfume and cologne meshed together, how the organ sounded, how the bread tasted, etc.). Before I had to go gluten free, I actually bought some communion wafers to snack on - missed it that much.
I'm actually vegan, too (haha, not kidding). That's another thing I don't go around and promote... if for no other reason than because I hate the stereotypes associated with doing though. But I get it - if you're vegan, you're passionate about that... so you kind of want to wear it on your sleeve in hopes that others will emulate your passion. That's why I have no problem with "Jesus freaks," as one might call them. I mean, if the setting was right I would probably engage in a fierce debate with them. But if I see someone on a sidewalk passing out pamphlets and preaching the word... shit, you do it, man. If that's what you believe, then why wouldn't you do that? More power to you. It's better than the ones who are only religious when they need it to prove a point.
I can't tell you how many friends I had whom I've watched fake so many behaviors just to fit in with the group on either side of the political spectrum. Like, ah... now you're this religious family man all of a sudden, just so you can gloat among your peers on that side of the political coin. But it wasn't all that long ago when we were at your bachelor party and you were in the room with those two strippers...
Or, on the other side... oh, now you're posting a picture of you with your vaccine card on Instagram. Hey, remember when the other guy was in office talking about a vaccine and you proclaimed, "Over my dead body would I ever let someone inject me with some experimental drug; those things take years to test properly!"
I mean, I'm definitely veering of on a tangent. Point being - if you're truly religious, even though I'm not, and you want to go all in... I commend you.