OT: need a little HS sports advice

[OH Pete]

Not completely HS Sports, but very HS Sports related.

Tonight is our baseball team's senior night. Since my wife & I are the only junior family that has been with these seniors for the past few years (my son has played up, JV as a Freshman, Varsity since then), we are pretty much running the festivities tonight.

As usual, the kids filled out a questionnaire that I'll read while introducing each senior and their family. Our HC is a different breed. Zero sense of humor and rules the program with an iron fist. He really diminishes the kids' fun and joy of playing the game. (He is a solid coach as far as trying to teach the game and overall running of the program - but he just doesn't understand teens at all).

So, earlier this season, one of our best players (a senior) got benched for celebrating a double late in a game in which we were getting beat by about 7 runs and then berated in front of the team after the game for being "selfish". In the "advice for future players" portion of the questionnaire, he wrote "Be yourself regardless of how much a coach tries to prevent you from having fun and don't stop celebrating success". This isn't just one disgruntled kid (he has since been reinstated). He is pretty much saying what most of the kids and parents have been feeling. So I applaud him for being willing to say this.

My dilemma is, do I just read the script and defend myself by saying "my job is to read the script, not editorialize" and that "this was his wish - your issue is with him, not me" when the coach confronts me after the game (which has about a 75% chance of happening). I did discuss with the kids parents and they had a very emotionally intelligent response "we read it and agree with how he feels and we explained to him that there could be consequences for him and he will just have to learn from it if there are." So, they are fine with me reading it. What they aren't considering is whether or not they are putting me in a bad spot. He's a senior and our season is almost over. But my kid is a junior and while he is one of the, if not the best, junior on the team (and one of the top overall), he hasn't been treated very well all season either. Our coach could punish him because he is mad at me for reading that.

Add to this that our team gets some of the best attendance I've seen for HS baseball. We play Friday night games under the lights. Some games have had as many as 300+ people. Tonight will be no exception being senior night and youth baseball night. So it will be crowded. So, do I refuse to read it? Or do I just respect the kid's senior night wish?

 

[Fk_Pitt]

Not completely HS Sports, but very HS Sports related.

Tonight is our baseball team's senior night. Since my wife & I are the only junior family that has been with these seniors for the past few years (my son has played up, JV as a Freshman, Varsity since then), we are pretty much running the festivities tonight.

As usual, the kids filled out a questionnaire that I'll read while introducing each senior and their family. Our HC is a different breed. Zero sense of humor and rules the program with an iron fist. He really diminishes the kids' fun and joy of playing the game. (He is a solid coach as far as trying to teach the game and overall running of the program - but he just doesn't understand teens at all).

So, earlier this season, one of our best players (a senior) got benched for celebrating a double late in a game in which we were getting beat by about 7 runs and then berated in front of the team after the game for being "selfish". In the "advice for future players" portion of the questionnaire, he wrote "Be yourself regardless of how much a coach tries to prevent you from having fun and don't stop celebrating success". This isn't just one disgruntled kid (he has since been reinstated). He is pretty much saying what most of the kids and parents have been feeling. So I applaud him for being willing to say this.

My dilemma is, do I just read the script and defend myself by saying "my job is to read the script, not editorialize" and that "this was his wish - your issue is with him, not me" when the coach confronts me after the game (which has about a 75% chance of happening). I did discuss with the kids parents and they had a very emotionally intelligent response "we read it and agree with how he feels and we explained to him that there could be consequences for him and he will just have to learn from it if there are." So, they are fine with me reading it. What they aren't considering is whether or not they are putting me in a bad spot. He's a senior and our season is almost over. But my kid is a junior and while he is one of the, if not the best, junior on the team (and one of the top overall), he hasn't been treated very well all season either. Our coach could punish him because he is mad at me for reading that.

Add to this that our team gets some of the best attendance I've seen for HS baseball. We play Friday night games under the lights. Some games have had as many as 300+ people. Tonight will be no exception being senior night and youth baseball night. So it will be crowded. So, do I refuse to read it? Or do I just respect the kid's senior night wish?

Tough one. Without giving it much thought, my initial reaction is to tell the parents to find their own person to read it because you’re not. That’s a tough spot they are putting you in. Your kid has another year there and you have to look out for A number 1. They are expecting you to do their dirty work.

That said, how long has he coached? If he’s been doing it for a while he probably knows it goes with the territory and it’s probably happened before. I coached varsity and I always somewhat dreaded the annual banquet because I always turned the mic and things over to the seniors for a portion of the festivities and you never know what kids are going to say. Thankfully no one ever took shots at me on the way out the door, but no coach has absolute job approval from the team because there is only so much playing time to go around and varsity sports is a meritocracy. Maybe in your situation they should wait til the banquet and if there is something they want to say they can do it themselves. In other words there’s a time and a place and maybe it should be then and not on senior night when they expect someone else to deliver the message.

Good luck.

 

[pittzap]

Not completely HS Sports, but very HS Sports related.

Tonight is our baseball team's senior night. Since my wife & I are the only junior family that has been with these seniors for the past few years (my son has played up, JV as a Freshman, Varsity since then), we are pretty much running the festivities tonight.

As usual, the kids filled out a questionnaire that I'll read while introducing each senior and their family. Our HC is a different breed. Zero sense of humor and rules the program with an iron fist. He really diminishes the kids' fun and joy of playing the game. (He is a solid coach as far as trying to teach the game and overall running of the program - but he just doesn't understand teens at all).

So, earlier this season, one of our best players (a senior) got benched for celebrating a double late in a game in which we were getting beat by about 7 runs and then berated in front of the team after the game for being "selfish". In the "advice for future players" portion of the questionnaire, he wrote "Be yourself regardless of how much a coach tries to prevent you from having fun and don't stop celebrating success". This isn't just one disgruntled kid (he has since been reinstated). He is pretty much saying what most of the kids and parents have been feeling. So I applaud him for being willing to say this.

My dilemma is, do I just read the script and defend myself by saying "my job is to read the script, not editorialize" and that "this was his wish - your issue is with him, not me" when the coach confronts me after the game (which has about a 75% chance of happening). I did discuss with the kids parents and they had a very emotionally intelligent response "we read it and agree with how he feels and we explained to him that there could be consequences for him and he will just have to learn from it if there are." So, they are fine with me reading it. What they aren't considering is whether or not they are putting me in a bad spot. He's a senior and our season is almost over. But my kid is a junior and while he is one of the, if not the best, junior on the team (and one of the top overall), he hasn't been treated very well all season either. Our coach could punish him because he is mad at me for reading that.

Add to this that our team gets some of the best attendance I've seen for HS baseball. We play Friday night games under the lights. Some games have had as many as 300+ people. Tonight will be no exception being senior night and youth baseball night. So it will be crowded. So, do I refuse to read it? Or do I just respect the kid's senior night wish?

It’s tough because this brings you into the situation. If it were just the seniors reading it for themselves, that’s different. But if the coach is that much of a d, it could very well trickle down to your son.

It is senior nigh, which is about the kids. It’s not, “air out your grievances against the coach and have someone else read it” night. You could ask the player if he minds if you swap out “coach” with “anyone”, as that can apply to more people and comes off more like advice in general to pass down to the younger players. Otherwise, he’s having you be part of his “axe to grind”.

 

[pittdan77]

I think I would tell the kid you can't berate the coach but you'll read it as, "Be yourself, have fun, and don't stop celebrating your success."

I think this notion that you have to act a certain way when you do something is old and tired. A big hit is a big hit, regardless of the score. I don't even see how it's selfish to be happy you made a big play. Why a coach would try to crap on that energy is beyond me.

 

[ChazzMo]

Would the kid and his family consider letting you modify the language? As in perhaps something like “Be yourself regardless of what others think, have fun, and don’t stop celebrating success.”

The offending phrase in the original is clearly a sharp stick to the eye of the HC and I would suggest to the kid and his family that given the occasion and the audience, that throwing mud in public isn’t necessary or appropriate.

I mean - are we honoring seniors or throwing rocks?

My 2 cents.

 

[Ski11585]

Coach sounds like a loser.

 

[Fk_Pitt]

Another thing…these parent that you’ve traveled the region with and likely hung out in hotel lobbies with and dinners with…they may seem like lifelong friends but they often aren’t. Most of the parents you may never see again. I had 4 kids and had incredible relationship’s with hundreds of parents through the years. And then the kids move on and life goes on. We’ve barely kept in touch and seen any of them since it all ended. And these parents shouldn’t expect you to do their dirty work. Your son only has one senior year. Not worth risking it for a couple of parents who wouldn’t change your life if they were still in it in 10 years or or out of your life.

 

[mlvnsmly]

It's definitely inappropriate for the occasion. You have an obligation to the team, school, and your son/family to keep things above board. What if his advice was "bang as many girls as you can while you're here"? And the parents said he's just speaking his mind and understands the consequences. You wouldn't read that so you shouldn't read this. You're not Ron Burgandy.

 

[ChiefJusticeMarshall]

Yeah I remember my old coach wanting us to sign a loyalty pledge for that summer before senior year. F that, we partied at the moontower and got Aerosmith tickets!

 

[KennyTheKangaroo]

I don’t miss high school sports.

 

[Fk_Pitt]

Classic response. Well done.

Yeah I remember my old coach wanting us to sign a loyalty pledge for that summer before senior year. F that, we partied at the moontower and got Aerosmith tickets!

c

 

[Upg bobcat]

Why are you even reading "advice for future players"? The kids can advise the future players however they want, in a more candid, direct conversation with their younger teammates. Announcing the advice to the public in attendance isn't necessary.

 

[OH Pete]

Why are you even reading "advice for future players"? The kids can advise the future players however they want, in a more candid, direct conversation with their younger teammates. Announcing the advice to the public in attendance isn't necessary.

Yeah, again, I'm not the one who came up with how this is all done. It has been a long standing tradition. I went into this with the thought that my job is to read what I'm given. But the more I thought about it, the more I decided that even though I'm reading it, the decision to read it is a reflection on me.

 

[OH Pete]

Coach sounds like a loser.

He's not a "bad" guy. He does care deeply for the kids and tries to establish a standard of excellence for them. He focuses on their behavior off the field and their in class achievements. And I really appreciate that part. Quite frankly, he is one of the best "macro" level coaches I've ever seen. But the micro level is another story. He just struggles with how to relate to teen boys. Too much "tough love". He has a hard time understanding that not everyone thinks the way he thinks and plans to try to make a career out of baseball. He also doesn't understand that kids today are products of the social media generation and are much more likely to want to do things that draw attention to themselves. And many of these kids are playing ball for one reason only - to have fun. And I don't have a problem with that. A coach needs to understand that and be very liberal in letting his kids have fun just so long as it isn't counter productive for the team.

So I've come to the conclusion, with you guys' help, that if I'm uncomfortable enough to wonder if reading that is the right thing to do or not, then it obviously isn't the right thing to do. I'm asking the parents to endorse a rewording or I'll skip that part of his introduction entirely.

 

[TheSpecialSauce]

Yeah, again, I'm not the one who came up with how this is all done. It has been a long standing tradition. I went into this with the thought that my job is to read what I'm given. But the more I thought about it, the more I decided that even though I'm reading it, the decision to read it is a reflection on me.

I would listen to the other posters who said it should be re-worded. You never know if there could be repercussions on the kid, you, or someone else.

 

[bjcst27]

Change the word coach to someone and you are good.

 

[upj87]

Not completely HS Sports, but very HS Sports related.

Tonight is our baseball team's senior night. Since my wife & I are the only junior family that has been with these seniors for the past few years (my son has played up, JV as a Freshman, Varsity since then), we are pretty much running the festivities tonight.

As usual, the kids filled out a questionnaire that I'll read while introducing each senior and their family. Our HC is a different breed. Zero sense of humor and rules the program with an iron fist. He really diminishes the kids' fun and joy of playing the game. (He is a solid coach as far as trying to teach the game and overall running of the program - but he just doesn't understand teens at all).

So, earlier this season, one of our best players (a senior) got benched for celebrating a double late in a game in which we were getting beat by about 7 runs and then berated in front of the team after the game for being "selfish". In the "advice for future players" portion of the questionnaire, he wrote "Be yourself regardless of how much a coach tries to prevent you from having fun and don't stop celebrating success". This isn't just one disgruntled kid (he has since been reinstated). He is pretty much saying what most of the kids and parents have been feeling. So I applaud him for being willing to say this.

My dilemma is, do I just read the script and defend myself by saying "my job is to read the script, not editorialize" and that "this was his wish - your issue is with him, not me" when the coach confronts me after the game (which has about a 75% chance of happening). I did discuss with the kids parents and they had a very emotionally intelligent response "we read it and agree with how he feels and we explained to him that there could be consequences for him and he will just have to learn from it if there are." So, they are fine with me reading it. What they aren't considering is whether or not they are putting me in a bad spot. He's a senior and our season is almost over. But my kid is a junior and while he is one of the, if not the best, junior on the team (and one of the top overall), he hasn't been treated very well all season either. Our coach could punish him because he is mad at me for reading that.

Add to this that our team gets some of the best attendance I've seen for HS baseball. We play Friday night games under the lights. Some games have had as many as 300+ people. Tonight will be no exception being senior night and youth baseball night. So it will be crowded. So, do I refuse to read it? Or do I just respect the kid's senior night wish?

Seems like the kid is using you to publicly humiliate the coach much like this kid thinks he was wronged by the coach. Neither is right. I'd tell the kid to take it up with the coach personally and this event is supposed to be a joyful celebration free of controversy. If he does not want to budge, then make him read it...

 

[OH Pete]

Seems like the kid is using you to publicly humiliate the coach much like this kid thinks he was wronged by the coach. Neither is right. I'd tell the kid to take it up with the coach personally and this event is supposed to be a joyful celebration free of controversy. If he does not want to budge, then make him read it...

Just got done talking with the parents. We're all good now.

Thanks everyone.

 

[jivecat]

Glad I was able to solve your dilemma. Let me know if I can help again.

 

[pittdan77]

Glad I was able to solve your dilemma. Let me know if I can help again.

We actually handled this like adults. Very odd behavior for this board. Especially on a Friday.

 

[jivecat]

Hypothetical question...what if the kid wanted you to say that he was gay (coming out of the closet) in his announcement, would you have done it?

 

[Las Panteras]

Has anyone suggested a private meeting for you and the coach?

1) you make the coach aware that you are uncomfortable with the kids request but feel obligated to read for various reasons

2) you hopefully "nip in the bud" any pushback on your son's senior year.

Tough spot to be in but it sounds like you have respect for the coach even if not always 100% in agreement. I would not dismiss the coach's reaction (positive i hope) if you get out in front of this.

Good luck.

 

[303vND]

You took on the responsibility of reading the players quotes/submissions - if that's what he wants to convey, then that's what he wants to convey. I would read it as he wrote it - it's under the mantra..."Don't shoot the messenger." If the coach is big enough to berate the kid in front of his teammates - he should be big enough to take a hit back.

 

[Burgh15]

Regardless of how anyone feels about the coach, senior night is not the time or place to take a shot at someone else. It should be about celebrating the seniors and their commitment and accomplishments to the sport/program.

"Be yourself. Have fun and don't stop celebrating success" or something to that effect. If that doesn't cut it, leave out the advice section for this player.

 

[USN_Panther]

Or an out would be to have on of the seniors' parents read them, even the revised version. It's senior night. You're not a senior parent. Then you can deal with the dilemma again next year but knowing how this year played out.

 

[Bethlehemjohn]

Not completely HS Sports, but very HS Sports related.

Tonight is our baseball team's senior night. Since my wife & I are the only junior family that has been with these seniors for the past few years (my son has played up, JV as a Freshman, Varsity since then), we are pretty much running the festivities tonight.

As usual, the kids filled out a questionnaire that I'll read while introducing each senior and their family. Our HC is a different breed. Zero sense of humor and rules the program with an iron fist. He really diminishes the kids' fun and joy of playing the game. (He is a solid coach as far as trying to teach the game and overall running of the program - but he just doesn't understand teens at all).

So, earlier this season, one of our best players (a senior) got benched for celebrating a double late in a game in which we were getting beat by about 7 runs and then berated in front of the team after the game for being "selfish". In the "advice for future players" portion of the questionnaire, he wrote "Be yourself regardless of how much a coach tries to prevent you from having fun and don't stop celebrating success". This isn't just one disgruntled kid (he has since been reinstated). He is pretty much saying what most of the kids and parents have been feeling. So I applaud him for being willing to say this.

My dilemma is, do I just read the script and defend myself by saying "my job is to read the script, not editorialize" and that "this was his wish - your issue is with him, not me" when the coach confronts me after the game (which has about a 75% chance of happening). I did discuss with the kids parents and they had a very emotionally intelligent response "we read it and agree with how he feels and we explained to him that there could be consequences for him and he will just have to learn from it if there are." So, they are fine with me reading it. What they aren't considering is whether or not they are putting me in a bad spot. He's a senior and our season is almost over. But my kid is a junior and while he is one of the, if not the best, junior on the team (and one of the top overall), he hasn't been treated very well all season either. Our coach could punish him because he is mad at me for reading that.

Add to this that our team gets some of the best attendance I've seen for HS baseball. We play Friday night games under the lights. Some games have had as many as 300+ people. Tonight will be no exception being senior night and youth baseball night. So it will be crowded. So, do I refuse to read it? Or do I just respect the kid's senior night wish?

Couple of options:
-don’t include that part.
-have the player read it.
-read it, but let the coach know that this came from the player.

 

[Bethlehemjohn]

Regardless of how anyone feels about the coach, senior night is not the time or place to take a shot at someone else. It should be about celebrating the seniors and their commitment and accomplishments to the sport/program.

"Be yourself. Have fun and don't stop celebrating success" or something to that effect. If that doesn't cut it, leave out the advice section for this player.

I think this would be the way to do it.

 

[OH Pete]

Update: Outstanding night. Great crowd, no rain, every senior played and they squeaked out a win. The kid was disappointed in my decision but one day he will understand.

Like I said, the coach isn’t a bad guy. He just has a major struggle with relating to and understanding teens. But last night he let them play loose and have fun. And the kids seemed like they were having a great time. He did a great job assisting with the pregame festivities and post game reception. Even stuck around to help clean up. I’m happy about my decision. Thanks again for helping me convince myself that I was right.

 

[RaleighPittFan]

Update: Outstanding night. Great crowd, no rain, every senior played and they squeaked out a win. The kid was disappointed in my decision but one day he will understand.

Like I said, the coach isn’t a bad guy. He just has a major struggle with relating to and understanding teens. But last night he let them play loose and have fun. And the kids seemed like they were having a great time. He did a great job assisting with the pregame festivities and post game reception. Even stuck around to help clean up. I’m happy about my decision. Thanks again for helping me convince myself that I was right.

You did the right thing. Had you read the “shot at the coach” he would have taken it that you condone said “shot”.

 

[FreeportPanther]

Funny way to do this? Any senior banquet I was ever involved with the seniors read their own statements.
Usually very gracious towards their teammates.

 

[WillyDavis33]

Beware of the girl batting cleanup with a 3 day beard

 

[Mikefln]

I'm a little late to this, but want to add my .02. Glad Senior Night went great. The teen may be upset with you for not reading it, as he wanted, but hopefully he grows up and learns about "time and place."

This reminds me and takes me back 26 years ago ( damn time flies) when a good friend of mine and teammate got into an incident mouthing off during a game and the next game (senior night) was not allowed to dress and was in street clothes for introduction. He was as salty as can be at the coach and school administration and we heard it all week leading up to the game. Then a few weeks later at the banquet he had a huge attitude and and again was mouthy and while he didn't ruin the evening he did put a small damper on it. What he did accomplish that evening was: He made himself look like a spoiled punk, he made his parents look like they never taught him class, he annoyed all his friends/teammates, he showed that he wanted it to be all about him.

You handled this the right way, and while I understand the parents position of wanting him to learn, they put you in a uncomfortable spot. Hopefully one day this teen realizes it, and grows up to be a man.

As for the incident you described that led to the young man wanting to put you into that difficult spot, there is not much context there. Sounds like a few are attacking the coach. May I play devils advocate? Did the overly celebrate or just showed some extra energy? Was it his first double or rare to get a hit? I must admit with the limited details I see why a coach would be like this. He is responsible for the whole team not just one player. It is one thing to hit a double and get up with extra energy and try to rally the troops. It is something different to celebrate a double when down by 7. Without more context, I'm on the coaches side here.

 

[thebadby2]

It’s tough because this brings you into the situation. If it were just the seniors reading it for themselves, that’s different. But if the coach is that much of a d, it could very well trickle down to your son.

It is senior nigh, which is about the kids. It’s not, “air out your grievances against the coach and have someone else read it” night. You could ask the player if he minds if you swap out “coach” with “anyone”, as that can apply to more people and comes off more like advice in general to pass down to the younger players. Otherwise, he’s having you be part of his “axe to grind”.

Can’t answer the OP better than you just did.

With a focus on “it’s about the kids”—and all
of the kids, including those that will play for the coach next year, not just the one that has a beef, valid or not.

 

[HailtoPitt]

To play devil's advocate, why celebrate a double when down by 7? When a Pitt or Steelers WR celebrates a TD down by 4 scores in the 4th, don't we usually criticize them?

 

[303vND]

To play devil's advocate, why celebrate a double when down by 7? When a Pitt or Steelers WR celebrates a TD down by 4 scores in the 4th, don't we usually criticize them?

Because he’s a pro not a high school senior.

 

[Parkview57]

do I just read the script and defend myself by saying "my job is to read the script, not editorialize" and that "this was his wish - your issue is with him, not me

No, its of no value to try and prove that the players don't like the coach. The player will find out that in life you don't always get to choose your boss. When you are running your own team and you want to make it fun , have at it. But I would not be part of undermining authority in this way. If you don't like this Coach have the integrity to step away so you are not part of it.

We're it my son that got benched or mistreated (in this level of mistreatment) I would tell him the same thing, be bigger than the situation and move on. No one ever kept their poise and integrity and regretted it.

 

[Mikefln]

Because he’s a pro not a high school senior.

So? It's still just a double in a game their getting destroyed in.

Now if he rarely gets a hit and knocked a double, I can get behind the kid celebrating. Other than hitting for the cycle, i dont see a reason to be celebrating down by 7. Trying to use your double as a rally the troops moment... all for it. Celebrating just a double in the name of fun down by 7, get out of here.

It is the coaches job to set the tone. If those kids are having fun losing by 7, then they shouldn't be out there! This is not little league anymore. At some point , and I would say HS varsity is that point, they need to learn to start manning up.

 

[h2p_5150]

No, its of no value to try and prove that the players don't like the coach. The player will find out that in life you don't always get to choose your boss. When you are running your own team and you want to make it fun , have at it. But I would not be part of undermining authority in this way. If you don't like this Coach have the integrity to step away so you are not part of it.

We're it my son that got benched or mistreated (in this level of mistreatment) I would tell him the same thing, be bigger than the situation and move on. No one ever kept their poise and integrity and regretted it.

You can choose your own boss though! When your boss blows find a new job. Can't do that with a high school baseball coach.

 

[HailtoPitt]

Because he’s a pro not a high school senior.

Then why even keep score?

 

[Parkview57]

You can choose your own boss though! When your boss blows find a new job. Can't do that with a high school baseball coach

Understood, but in many cases in life its not that easy,you may have to work until you find a new job, etc.

Plus, one thing you learn in life is if you try to please everybody, you will fail. Bosses do what they have to do, coaches make decisions on who plays which ticks parents off, the last thing I want is my high school coach to do is worry about who does not like him. I am not saying this Coach is good, etc, but I know this, you must have thick skin to put the best 9 out there, and a lot of people don't like it...."play my son and the next best 8...."