One of our sons got engaged over the weekend and now we are planning ( I am sure his finance's mother will be doing most of this) the wedding. Anyone have any recent numbers on a wedding. I know it is going to hurt and also know that we have 4 other sons who eventually may get married. thanks in advance.
I just went through a wedding with my daughter. She got married this past September. First, be happy that you have sons. I can tell you that estimating budget is a tough question to answer. It's almost like asking "how much does a new car cost?" Depends on whether you're looking at a Chevy or a Ferrari. As parents of the groom, the tradition has been that you pay for the rehearsal dinner and for the alcohol at the wedding.
The big cost drivers are:
1. How many guests (this will really be a huge factor because it also dictates the venue's that can accommodate your party. If you're having 250 guests, there will only be a certain number of venues that can handle that.
2. Location. Prices vary widely. We live in California and I can tell you that costs out here are out of site. Everything costs more. Quality venues are really expensive. For instance, our daughter had 100 guests and most of the venues in the Bay area cost anywhere from $12 - $25K just for the venue rental. Dinner costs were anywhere from $150 - $250/per person. Bar tab adds another $30 - $100/person depending on how long you run open bar. I'm guessing that costs in places like NYC, Boston, DC will be similar. Pittsburgh should be less.
A lot also depends on your financial situation. Our in-laws are super nice people, but certainly not wealthy. I told my daughter to let her husband have a conversation with his parents about what they are comfortable spending. We just picked up the difference and let it go. Of course, this will depend on your in-laws situation. Hopefully, they're loaded and graciously offer to pick up the tab.
One decision that my wife and I made years ago was that we had set aside an account for our daughters weddings (we have 2 girls). It was a hefty amount but not a crazy amount. We told both daughters that this is your budget. The money is yours. You determine how much you want to spend (or not). If you don't spend it all, the money is yours. If you spend double the extra cost is on you. This tends to sharpen their focus on what's really important pretty quickly. It also gets you out of the crappy position of having to negotiate the hundreds of decisions that need to be made.
FWIW, my daughter ultimately decided to have her wedding in Italy. It was absolutely amazing and cost considerably less then doing it in the US (excluding travel costs). As an aside, we actually gave my daughter her entire wedding budget in a check about 10 months in advance of the wedding. Her fiance put all the money into Bitcoin and literally doubled their budget in 10 months. I would not recommend this approach but it sure worked out for them. BTW, they spend every dime and then some, but it was the most amazing event I've ever been at. I should mention that one of the advantages of doing the event in Italy was that the caterers included the bar cost, wine with dinner, and prosecco toast, with their per plate dinner charge. The cost per head was about 140 euros and the food and drinks were incredible. In the US, bar bill is separate and extra.
Cruzer
