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Way OT ~ Cost of a Wedding

no Polka band?...might be because of that incident with "She's too fat for me" accidentally being played for the couple's first dance by the Zupanchick Brothers at a gig in Windber.
No joke, the father of one of my groomsmen was the singer in a polka band. He sang during the bridal dance and it was the best bridal dance I’ve ever witnessed.
 
Got married in 2018 and it was $50K all in. We had a nice wedding, but by no means was it extravagant. Ceremony and reception were at the same hotel and we had about 135 guests. All of the venues we looked at had food and beverage minimums, the lowest of which was $20K. Add on flowers, photographer, DJ, invitations, clothing, officiant, morning-after brunch…you get the picture.
 
The missus & I saved a “respectable” amount of money for our children’s weddings. They were told that they were getting a certain amount of money; and it was theirs to use as they wanted - for their wedding…or honeymoon…or a down payment for a house…or whatever.

We left it for them to decide what was most important.
 
I’ve had 2 weddings, for my 3 girls so far.
1. SC wedding in an older house and garden setting. Around $15K
2. Destination wedding at a Miami Beach old school boutique hotel. Very intimate. Was in November 2018. . Around $22k
They divorced 4 months later.
3. Daughter #3 is in a long term relationship with a granddaughter. No talk of marriage, and I retired. Wish her well!
 
The amout of people who have their weddings paid for by parents is probably the reason why they are so expensive. Stop spoiling your grown up kids. My wife and I paid for our own wedding. And our own house.
Same here, and my kids will do the same.
 
Every wedding related thread makes me glad I didn’t have a big to do. Immediate family only. Dinner was at a Chicago steakhouse. Everyone enjoyed themselves.

Most of the weddings I’ve been too the bride and groom aren’t actually having fun. They’re stressed and it’s expensive. Also, outside if immediate family nobody actually wants to go to weddings.
 
I’ve had 2 weddings, for my 3 girls so far.
1. SC wedding in an older house and garden setting. Around $15K
2. Destination wedding at a Miami Beach old school boutique hotel. Very intimate. Was in November 2018. . Around $22k
They divorced 4 months later.
3. Daughter #3 is in a long term relationship with a granddaughter. No talk of marriage, and I retired. Wish her well!
Daughter #3 is in a long term relationship with a granddaughter...for some reason that phrasing reminds me of how much I am looking forward to the WVU game next year...
 
I just went through a wedding with my daughter. She got married this past September. First, be happy that you have sons. I can tell you that estimating budget is a tough question to answer. It's almost like asking "how much does a new car cost?" Depends on whether you're looking at a Chevy or a Ferrari. As parents of the groom, the tradition has been that you pay for the rehearsal dinner and for the alcohol at the wedding.

The big cost drivers are:

1. How many guests (this will really be a huge factor because it also dictates the venue's that can accommodate your party. If you're having 250 guests, there will only be a certain number of venues that can handle that.

2. Location. Prices vary widely. We live in California and I can tell you that costs out here are out of site. Everything costs more. Quality venues are really expensive. For instance, our daughter had 100 guests and most of the venues in the Bay area cost anywhere from $12 - $25K just for the venue rental. Dinner costs were anywhere from $150 - $250/per person. Bar tab adds another $30 - $100/person depending on how long you run open bar. I'm guessing that costs in places like NYC, Boston, DC will be similar. Pittsburgh should be less.

A lot also depends on your financial situation. Our in-laws are super nice people, but certainly not wealthy. I told my daughter to let her husband have a conversation with his parents about what they are comfortable spending. We just picked up the difference and let it go. Of course, this will depend on your in-laws situation. Hopefully, they're loaded and graciously offer to pick up the tab.

One decision that my wife and I made years ago was that we had set aside an account for our daughters weddings (we have 2 girls). It was a hefty amount but not a crazy amount. We told both daughters that this is your budget. The money is yours. You determine how much you want to spend (or not). If you don't spend it all, the money is yours. If you spend double the extra cost is on you. This tends to sharpen their focus on what's really important pretty quickly. It also gets you out of the crappy position of having to negotiate the hundreds of decisions that need to be made.

FWIW, my daughter ultimately decided to have her wedding in Italy. It was absolutely amazing and cost considerably less then doing it in the US (excluding travel costs). As an aside, we actually gave my daughter her entire wedding budget in a check about 10 months in advance of the wedding. Her fiance put all the money into Bitcoin and literally doubled their budget in 10 months. I would not recommend this approach but it sure worked out for them. BTW, they spend every dime and then some, but it was the most amazing event I've ever been at. I should mention that one of the advantages of doing the event in Italy was that the caterers included the bar cost, wine with dinner, and prosecco toast, with their per plate dinner charge. The cost per head was about 140 euros and the food and drinks were incredible. In the US, bar bill is separate and extra.

Cruzer

Having a destination wedding just cost shifts the financial burden of the event onto your guests and family. Between flights, hotel, rental car, food, and gifts, just attending a wedding normally costs me about $1,000-$1,500. A destination wedding would probably double that and most of my family would not be able to attend due to the financial burden imposed.

A 140 Euro per person wedding is cheaper for you but the total costs for everyone is probably substantially more than a traditional wedding.
 
The amout of people who have their weddings paid for by parents is probably the reason why they are so expensive. Stop spoiling your grown up kids. My wife and I paid for our own wedding. And our own house.

This. My father in law insisted on paying for our wedding. Had he not, we probably would have gotten married at the courthouse since we bought/remodeled/furnished a house that same Summer. It just wasn't financially feasible to do both and if we had to choose we would choose the house every time.

We were just happy to get married. The event itself was amazing and I had a lot of people tell me it was the most fun ever. I'll never forget it, but the more important part was just getting married to my best friend, which is something I could have done for free if I had to.
 
The missus & I saved a “respectable” amount of money for our children’s weddings. They were told that they were getting a certain amount of money; and it was theirs to use as they wanted - for their wedding…or honeymoon…or a down payment for a house…or whatever.

We left it for them to decide what was most important.

Got married in 2019 and both sets of parents did the same thing. We had a small (27 total guests) wedding. What was cool was at that size was we could look at restaurant event spaces instead of wedding venues. We ended up being able to have our wedding at one of the top restaurants in the country and it was actually much cheaper than a wedding venue. Also allowed us to go home with a nest egg in our pocket. The size also allowed us to spend quality time with our guests and it really was a nice evening.
 
I’ve had 2 weddings, for my 3 girls so far.
1. SC wedding in an older house and garden setting. Around $15K
2. Destination wedding at a Miami Beach old school boutique hotel. Very intimate. Was in November 2018. . Around $22k
They divorced 4 months later.
3. Daughter #3 is in a long term relationship with a granddaughter. No talk of marriage, and I retired. Wish her well!
I am confused on the third...........
 
Wife and I flew to Vegas in May to get married. Whole thing cost less than 5k.

One of the mediators I frequently use told me her daughter is getting married. They are having two weddings. One on the Mediterranean coast line, and then one for local family here in Dallas. That was going to be close to 100k.
 
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Got married in 2019 and both sets of parents did the same thing. We had a small (27 total guests) wedding. What was cool was at that size was we could look at restaurant event spaces instead of wedding venues. We ended up being able to have our wedding at one of the top restaurants in the country and it was actually much cheaper than a wedding venue. Also allowed us to go home with a nest egg in our pocket. The size also allowed us to spend quality time with our guests and it really was a nice evening.
Smart man.
 
Daughter #3 is in a long term relationship with a granddaughter...for some reason that phrasing reminds me of how much I am looking forward to the WVU game next year...
Oops. Her daughter is 3. My granddaughter……Damn. Should have had a better description…..
 
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I think some of the frills get you. Was at a wedding that flew someone in from Miami to hand-roll cigars. And I posted earlier, the photography/videography are crazy, along with the flowers. Stick to the basics, get a nice hall but not a country club, splurge on the food and get a decent bar. Don't hire a Hollywood production crew to film every moment, don't pay for breakfast the next day...it would still be a nice affair and not break the bank.
 
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Having a destination wedding just cost shifts the financial burden of the event onto your guests and family. Between flights, hotel, rental car, food, and gifts, just attending a wedding normally costs me about $1,000-$1,500. A destination wedding would probably double that and most of my family would not be able to attend due to the financial burden imposed.

A 140 Euro per person wedding is cheaper for you but the total costs for everyone is probably substantially more than a traditional wedding.
Destination wedding definitely impacts the guests. Travel expenses (and time commitment) are big factors. Need to know your audience (can your friends and family really afford the time and expense)? All that said, we had 100 people show up for 3 days of events in Italy and it was worth every penny.
 
Destination wedding definitely impacts the guests. Travel expenses (and time commitment) are big factors. Need to know your audience (can your friends and family really afford the time and expense)? All that said, we had 100 people show up for 3 days of events in Italy and it was worth every penny.
Wife went to a destination wedding in FL last year. I thoroughly enjoyed my week at home, alone.
 
We had 2 daughters who were both level headed and not slaves to Social Media.

They both had high end "Barn Weddings" and they didn't break the bank.

If you decide to have kids then you own the fallout and everything that comes with it.

If your kids are divas then you are probably divas as well...just sayin
 
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The amout of people who have their weddings paid for by parents is probably the reason why they are so expensive. Stop spoiling your grown up kids. My wife and I paid for our own wedding. And our own house.

Same here, and my kids will do the same.
My parents helped my wife and I pay for top shelf alcohol because they love us, not because they were trying to spoil us. Let me know if you guys need me to point you in the direction of any clouds to yell at. I can also send some kids to your front yards if you want.
 
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My parents helped my wife and I pay for top shelf alcohol because they love us, not because they were trying to spoil us. Let me know if you guys need me to point you in the direction of any clouds to yell at. I can also send some kids to your front yards if you want.
Elijah Craig Toasted Barrel Bourbon = Love...
 
One of our sons got engaged over the weekend and now we are planning ( I am sure his finance's mother will be doing most of this) the wedding. Anyone have any recent numbers on a wedding. I know it is going to hurt and also know that we have 4 other sons who eventually may get married. thanks in advance.
tell them to elope and put the 20k towards a house. weddings are silly pagentry
 
My parents helped my wife and I pay for top shelf alcohol because they love us, not because they were trying to spoil us. Let me know if you guys need me to point you in the direction of any clouds to yell at. I can also send some kids to your front yards if you want.
Helping with booze is a lot different than footing the bill for some overpriced shitshow. I’ll definitely help my kids out, but no way will I foot a large bill for a wedding. It’s a poor investment in their future.

I fully acknowledge that I am reaching the old man yells at cloud phase of my life.
 
20% of marriages fail in the first 5 years. 32% in the first 10.

$50k is a crapload of money to pay for a party on a bad bet.

says the crotchety old guy.
 
20% of marriages fail in the first 5 years. 32% in the first 10.

$50k is a crapload of money to pay for a party on a bad bet.

says the crotchety old guy.
Marriage/divorce stats can be extremely misleading. Over 70% of people who marry never get divorced. If you are looking at the number of marriages rather than the number of people who marry, the percentage is going to be higher. Many people who get divorced remarry, some several times.

Same with saying the average marriage lasts 8.4 years. That may be the statistical average, but it is not the length of a typical marriage. Most people that get divorced do so in 1 to 5 years. Most people that marry stay together until one spouse dies.

Divorce rates are declining. When rates were the highest, 11% of couples lived together beforehand. Today 66% of couples do. People getting married today are older, know each other better and are more financially secure.

As far as cost, if you don't go into debt spend whatever you are comfortable with. I'm not at all ostentatious and I didn't spoil my two daughters, but it was the biggest day of their lives so I didn't worry about the cost. They and their husbands appreciated it immensely and they were the best parties any of us ever had.
 
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Got married this summer. About 60 people.


Venue: $6,000
Catering: $4,000
Cake/Dessert: $800
Bar: $1,200
Florist: $2,000
Photographer: $2,000
Wedding Coordinator: $1,500 (worth every penny!!!)
Decorations: $1,000
DJ: $400 (got lucky we knew someone)

There were other expenses: tipping the pastor, dress alterations.

We also had a nice event venue for the rehearsal dinner for about 40 people and that came in at just over $2,000.
 
Atlanta 2019. Our total bill was about $30,000, and that included rehearsal dinner, venue, catering (buffet style, not plated), alcohol (we bought our own and the caterers served drinks), photographer, DJ, getaway car, wedding planner, flowers, linens, dress, FIL/MIL outfits, invitations, and some other things. Basically the all-in cost start to finish. Headcount was just short of 200 people.

We could have gone cheaper but my wife's parents really wanted to give her the event that she wanted. Most of my friends probably exceeded that spend by quite a lot. I have one friend that basically had two weddings, since all guests also attended the rehearsal dinner, and some gucci things like a live band. I bet they spent $200,000 or more.

My personal philosophy is not to overspend in a way that stresses you out. The wedding should be fun and you shouldn't be worried about money/debt. If that's happening, dial it back. There are a ton of creative ways to get married and save money. You could even look into parks and stuff. Our venue was a school that served kids and adults with developmental disabilities. It was significantly cheaper than comparable for-profit options and served a great cause.
For $30 k you could have set them up in a double wide!
 
First of all, you should discuss and decide together what kind of wedding you want. You can do this by visualizing what the perfect wedding would look like for you. Can you imagine a small event or dream of a big, lavish wedding? Do you have specific details in mind, such as a location, a specific setting, a special setting, or an outstanding artistic moment? The availability of service providers, the financial aspect, and the time required for the organization often make the future bride and groom set their wedding party at least one year away from the date of the engagement. If you're looking to start a wedding business, at https://www.marco.us/business-blog/how-to-start-a-business-in-the-wedding-industry, you can learn how to start a business in the wedding industry.
 
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My younger daughter got married last May. Recognize that you have nothing to say in this event as its the bride (and her mother's) day. Your there simply to foot the bill and enjoy so relax and let it flow.

My big advice would be to give them an amount that you'll kick in and let them decide how to spend it. In my case I told them $15K since they were both in their 30s with good jobs. Of course I wound up spending about $18K in the end but they supplemented that as well. They had a nice wedding venue here, DJ, photographer, photo booth and video, sit down dinner with very nice entrees. Open Bar with signature cocktails. His parents sprang for the rehearsal dinner (about 30 people) and brunch the next day. They invited about 150 people. My guess is at the end it ran close to $30K. The one thing that bugged the crap out of the couple was the folks who said they were coming but didn't show after confirming again they planned to be there. I think the dinner was about $50 a plate and about 15 didn't show which means they spent about $750 needlessly.

I will say it was one of the nicest times I've ever had. The weather was perfect, the bride was beautiful, the groom handsome and everyone had just a wonderful time! Sit back and enjoy!
 
I have 3 daughters. Please pray for me.
I have three daughters too. Our oldest did all of the planning on her own for her fall wedding. She wanted destination wedding and that got squashed quickly. Now it’s far cheaper and easier. Brewery in Asheville that does weddings and does them well.
 
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Where I have a problem is some of these folks who have a wedding, perhaps they have well off parents or something. Hey, weddings are expensive, and do what you must, you want to serve caviar and have it at Heinz Chapel or Oakmont Country Club, go for it.

But some folks, you decide it would be great to have a beach wedding in Fiji. Yeah. Okay, it is going to be expensive for you, but say you have a wedding party? And especially if you are in your 20's, likely still have student loan debt and starting salaries, it is kind of unfair to expect people to shell out $5000 or so just for a few days to satisfy your indulgences.
 
Where I have a problem is some of these folks who have a wedding, perhaps they have well off parents or something. Hey, weddings are expensive, and do what you must, you want to serve caviar and have it at Heinz Chapel or Oakmont Country Club, go for it.

But some folks, you decide it would be great to have a beach wedding in Fiji. Yeah. Okay, it is going to be expensive for you, but say you have a wedding party? And especially if you are in your 20's, likely still have student loan debt and starting salaries, it is kind of unfair to expect people to shell out $5000 or so just for a few days to satisfy your indulgences.
I would expect the couple getting married to foot the bill for travel expenses for those in the wedding party for a wedding like that.

If anyone's dumb enough to go as a guest, then that's on him.
 
Where I have a problem is some of these folks who have a wedding, perhaps they have well off parents or something. Hey, weddings are expensive, and do what you must, you want to serve caviar and have it at Heinz Chapel or Oakmont Country Club, go for it.

But some folks, you decide it would be great to have a beach wedding in Fiji. Yeah. Okay, it is going to be expensive for you, but say you have a wedding party? And especially if you are in your 20's, likely still have student loan debt and starting salaries, it is kind of unfair to expect people to shell out $5000 or so just for a few days to satisfy your indulgences.
I had to go to Las Vegas for a wedding once. Perhaps the worst trip of my life. Bride and groom were in a big hurry to get married and were going to the South Pacific somewhere right after. Figured it would make their trip shorter. My wife's family is cheap so I didn't find out until I got there that I was staying in a room with my wife and a few kids. Couldn't take them to a decent place to eat or call a cab because, again, cheap. Ended up hiking to McDonalds all weekend. Probably one of the reasons why I hate all of them now.
 
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