Way OT ~ Cost of a Wedding

[HailtoPitt]

Where I have a problem is some of these folks who have a wedding, perhaps they have well off parents or something. Hey, weddings are expensive, and do what you must, you want to serve caviar and have it at Heinz Chapel or Oakmont Country Club, go for it.

But some folks, you decide it would be great to have a beach wedding in Fiji. Yeah. Okay, it is going to be expensive for you, but say you have a wedding party? And especially if you are in your 20's, likely still have student loan debt and starting salaries, it is kind of unfair to expect people to shell out $5000 or so just for a few days to satisfy your indulgences.

I recall Heinz Chapel not being expensive. Maybe $600 about a decade ago.

Edit: I just checked and it's now $1500, which I'm guessing is still cheaper then many other places unless you just do the ceremony in a church.

I recall the Twentieth Century Club right up the street from HC having decent prices for a reception. Other places I recall looking at at astronomical rates, likely because mom and dad pay for it. That inflates the prices and keeps those places going.

And don't get me started on catering prices.

 

[CJsE]

First of all, you should discuss and decide together what kind of wedding you want. You can do this by visualizing what the perfect wedding would look like for you. Can you imagine a small event or dream of a big, lavish wedding? Do you have specific details in mind, such as a location, a specific setting, a special setting, or an outstanding artistic moment?

wait...someone created an account in January, then waited 13 months to make their first and only post a resurrection of a 3+ month old OT thread about marriage costs?

 

[HailtoPitt]

wait...someone created an account in January, then waited 13 months to make their first and only post a resurrection of a 3+ month old OT thread about marriage costs?

Good catch.

 

[PeetWeet2]

I hear you but even though current weddings are split down the middle the bride is pretty much in charge.

Might as well get used to it early. I have a theory. There are two types of married men. Those who know the wife is the boss, and those about to be divorced.

 

[AddisynShort]

It's been a while since your post, but I wanted to offer some insight. Wedding costs can definitely add up, but hey, it's all about making the big day special, right? As they say, happy wife, happy life! Speaking of weddings, if you're on the hunt for some dapper attire, you might find some great options on https://www.gentlemansguru.com/product-category/wedding-tuxedos/. It's all part of the fun of tying the knot!

 

[ChiefJusticeMarshall]

It's been a while since your post, but I wanted to offer some insight. Wedding costs can definitely add up, but hey, it's all about making the big day special, right? As they say, happy wife, happy life!

Again, the Bride and Groom can do what they want. It is their special day. But I think what is patently unfair, unless you like run in Hollywood circles, is the have some wedding in some remote Island or locale that forces people to spend airfare, hotels, etc,....AND give you a gift. That's pretty selfish in my estimation.

 

[thebadby2]

One of our sons got engaged over the weekend and now we are planning ( I am sure his finance's mother will be doing most of this) the wedding. Anyone have any recent numbers on a wedding. I know it is going to hurt and also know that we have 4 other sons who eventually may get married. thanks in advance.

Too many variables to answer. Depends on whether you're going Kevin Pittsnoggle in the high school gym with hot dogs, bud light, paper plates and a bluetooth speaker, or country club with white table cloths, surf and turf, premium booze and a 6 piece band, or something in the vast expanse between.

 

[cruzer]

Cost? Irrelevant to you...What part of the definition of the word "groom" eludes you as far as wedding cost goes?...Let's just say with three sons, I'm a traditionalist. Do not want to break long held norms....

3 grand for a nice rehearsal dinner should be your outlay...

I believe the conventional approach is that the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol at the reception. The grooms parents definitely get off easier (unless you agree to split the entire bill).

Cruzer

 

[BurghGuy68]

Again, the Bride and Groom can do what they want. It is their special day. But I think what is patently unfair, unless you like run in Hollywood circles, is the have some wedding in some remote Island or locale that forces people to spend airfare, hotels, etc,....AND give you a gift. That's pretty selfish in my estimation.

I'm going to encourage my sons to do a getaway wedding for just immediate family. Can do a firehall-Yinzer style wedding thing for friends and family, or a picnic later.

But it's all up to the kids getting married.

 

[thebadby2]

Cost? Irrelevant to you...What part of the definition of the word "groom" eludes you as far as wedding cost goes?...Let's just say with three sons, I'm a traditionalist. Do not want to break long held norms....

3 grand for a nice rehearsal dinner should be your outlay...

$3k? That might buy your rehearsal dinner at Applebees today.

The price of the food, beverage, goods and services that go into a wedding is roughly double what it was just 5-6 years ago.

 

[Dointhatrag]

I'm curious if the couple in the original question as still married after these few years.

 

[upj87]

I only had to pay for the Alcohol and other assorted beverages for my sons wedding last year and it cost me $13K.......the liquor was, in fairness, all top shelf.....that was for 200 guests

amazing the number of lifelong Iron City drinkers who come out of the woodwork to all of the sudden high end bourbon connoisseurs at a wedding...

 

[cashisking884]

20% of marriages fail in the first 5 years. 32% in the first 10.

$50k is a crapload of money to pay for a party on a bad bet.

says the crotchety old guy.

Those percentages actually aren’t that bad.
And they are way less when accounting for income. And if you can spend 50k for a wedding, you’re probably in the income bracket that statistically isn’t going to get divorced.
They are also way less when accounting for first time marriages.
If you’re getting married for the first time ever and you can afford to spend 50k on a wedding, you’re far more statistically likely to not get divorced.

 

[upj87]

$3k? That might buy your rehearsal dinner at Applebees today.

The price of the food, beverage, goods and services that go into a wedding is roughly double what it was just 5-6 years ago.

Fair enough, about 7 years ago...50 a pop for a buffet dinner for around 40 guests and another 1,500 for beer and wine for 2 hours.So, maybe a few hundred bucks more....Press Room downtown Lancaster...Nice place, no Applebee's.... I can get you in today for that amount with some cases of pony bottles of beer and a shitload of homemade halupki and you would have a better time than at some snooty venue..

 

[NTOP]

I have 3 daughters. Please pray for me.

I have 4 daughters. Youngest married last year in Flagstaff, where they live. She had a small group of 25 or so. She kept the list small to lower the costs as all the guests were from W.PA or Ohio.
Gourmet food & wine. Didn't want to burden the guests. Perfect for the outdoor ceremony.
Then last fall my nephew in Philly married on Cape Cod. 150 guests, about $200K. Bride paid half. silly.

 

[Slick Manager of Champs]

I'm curious if the couple in the original question as still married after these few years.

I'm curious what happened to the OP. He used to post here very often

 

[BurghGuy68]

What's the going rate for giving a gift as a couple? $100 used to be a good amount but no more. I think we gave $150 to a wedding a few years ago...but that may not have been enough to cover their costs. Crazy.

 

[PantherHOG1]

What's the going rate for giving a gift as a couple? $100 used to be a good amount but no more. I think we gave $150 to a wedding a few years ago...but that may not have been enough to cover their costs. Crazy.

Standard for me is $150. Close with the family $250+

 

[lilspainishflea]

I think our wedding was about $50,000 split between the rehearsal dinner and an open bar party which was for all guests (my parents paid for that) and then the wedding and reception which my in-laws paid. I probably kicked in $3,000-$5,000 on various things since my in-laws had a hard limit.

We invited about 200 people and about 170 came. We would never have spent that kind of money on our own event but my father-in-law really wanted to do it for his only daughter. We brought it up once that we didn't need that kind of spend to have a good time and he insisted so we dropped it.

I've been to a few weddings which easily cost low/mid-six figures and one which was maybe seven or eight figures (the daughter of a former NFL team majority owner). The differences were sometimes subtle (live band versus DJ) and sometimes pronounced (every single guest got an iPad as a gift and they closed down 5th Avenue in NYC all night).

I'd say set a pretty firm budget that is realistic for you and will make you happy. Don't overdo it because people go to a million weddings and other than you and maybe the wedding party, the details of each tend to be unimportant over time. There are lots of better ways to use that money.

 

[PantherDDS]

I think our wedding was about $50,000 split between the rehearsal dinner and an open bar party which was for all guests (my parents paid for that) and then the wedding and reception which my in-laws paid. I probably kicked in $3,000-$5,000 on various things since my in-laws had a hard limit.

We invited about 200 people and about 170 came. We would never have spent that kind of money on our own event but my father-in-law really wanted to do it for his only daughter. We brought it up once that we didn't need that kind of spend to have a good time and he insisted so we dropped it.

I've been to a few weddings which easily cost low/mid-six figures and one which was maybe seven or eight figures (the daughter of a former NFL team majority owner). The differences were sometimes subtle (live band versus DJ) and sometimes pronounced (every single guest got an iPad as a gift and they closed down 5th Avenue in NYC all night).

I'd say set a pretty firm budget that is realistic for you and will make you happy. Don't overdo it because people go to a million weddings and other than you and maybe the wedding party, the details of each tend to be unimportant over time. There are lots of better ways to use that money.

Just watched the movie “ The Catered Affair “ starring Earnest Borgnine and Betty Davis on the Classic Turner Movie channel. Seems like people in 1956 had the same issues when it came to weddings. Covers all the items discussed and had a happy ending!

 

[ben43]

2019. Daughter’s wedding - large rehearsal dinner at University Club; wedding at Heinz Chapel; dinner & dancing at Phipps; after party at WyndhamUniversity Center. If I recall correctly, attendance was limited by Phipps capacity of about 225. Total cost about $50k.

 

[cruzer]

Just watched the movie “ The Catered Affair “ starring Earnest Borgnine and Betty Davis on the Classic Turner Movie channel. Seems like people in 1956 had the same issues when it came to weddings. Covers all the items discussed and had a happy ending!

Nothing like a happy ending 😁

 

[cruzer]

Having a destination wedding just cost shifts the financial burden of the event onto your guests and family. Between flights, hotel, rental car, food, and gifts, just attending a wedding normally costs me about $1,000-$1,500. A destination wedding would probably double that and most of my family would not be able to attend due to the financial burden imposed.

A 140 Euro per person wedding is cheaper for you but the total costs for everyone is probably substantially more than a traditional wedding.

No argument from me. In the end it's up to the bride and groom where they get married. Destination weddings definitely cost the guests more. The flip side is that it trims the guest list a bit. That said, my daughter invited 120 (mostly their friends and a few family members) and 110 showed up. I was shocked. And this was in the middle of Covid. Destination weddings seem to be the norm for this generation (well at least within the circle of friends my daughter hangs with). She's been to 8 weddings in the past 2 years and exactly 1 was in the US (and that was in Santa Barbara). All the other events were in Cabo, Madrid, Barcelona, Tuscany, Lisbon.... Crazy thing is that everyone from the group shows up. Ignoring the cost, I can't figure out how these people have the vacation time. Different world I guess.

 

[mike412]

If there isn’t a fire hall, kegs and halupki you’re wasting your money

You forgot the cookie table.

 

[prez41]

You forgot the cookie table.

Good catch.

 

[NTOP]

You forgot the cookie table.

We took a huge of cookies to a Tucson wedding a few years ago. My niece married a Tucson guy she met in China. The Burghers ruled!!!

 

[lilspainishflea]

No argument from me. In the end it's up to the bride and groom where they get married. Destination weddings definitely cost the guests more. The flip side is that it trims the guest list a bit. That said, my daughter invited 120 (mostly their friends and a few family members) and 110 showed up. I was shocked. And this was in the middle of Covid. Destination weddings seem to be the norm for this generation (well at least within the circle of friends my daughter hangs with). She's been to 8 weddings in the past 2 years and exactly 1 was in the US (and that was in Santa Barbara). All the other events were in Cabo, Madrid, Barcelona, Tuscany, Lisbon.... Crazy thing is that everyone from the group shows up. Ignoring the cost, I can't figure out how these people have the vacation time. Different world I guess.

Destination weddings were a hard no for us. To much of a physical, financial, or professional burden for your guests.

At the time I had 3 living grandparents - all in their late 80s and early 90s - and 2 were physically well enough to travel from PA to Atlanta. I doubt they could have made an international flight.

And even doing a 2 hour flight is a big financial burden for a lot of people. I think it's selfish to ask your uncle to spend $2,000+ to come see you when he's struggling to meet his retirement goals.

Now that I have kids, my own time is also pretty scare. If I have a day off it's probably to care for them or see my parents. There's no chance I'm blowing my PTO going to a wedding in Spain. If I fly overseas it's going to be on my terms and not to be an NPC in someone else's story.

 

[lilspainishflea]

You forgot the cookie table.

I did bring the cookie table to ATL and it was a huge hit. They were gone in seconds. Shoutout to the Maid of Honor from grabbing some for me and my wife.

 

[cruzer]

Destination weddings were a hard no for us. To much of a physical, financial, or professional burden for your guests.

At the time I had 3 living grandparents - all in their late 80s and early 90s - and 2 were physically well enough to travel from PA to Atlanta. I doubt they could have made an international flight.

And even doing a 2 hour flight is a big financial burden for a lot of people. I think it's selfish to ask your uncle to spend $2,000+ to come see you when he's struggling to meet his retirement goals.

Now that I have kids, my own time is also pretty scare. If I have a day off it's probably to care for them or see my parents. There's no chance I'm blowing my PTO going to a wedding in Spain. If I fly overseas it's going to be on my terms and not to be an NPC in someone else's story.

You raise valid points, which I raised with my daughters. Keep in mind that these days, almost every wedding is a "destination wedding". People are so mobile that no matter what location you choose, people will have to travel. We live in CA...most of the family is in PA or NJ. They would have to travel even if we held a "local" wedding. Granted, traveling to CA is not as expensive or time consuming as traveling to Europe, but either way is a financial commitment. Ultimately the decision on location was theirs; I just funded the event. They understood that some invitees would not be able to handle the costs. They did make it clear that no one should feel obligated to attend. It's an invitation not a summons. A handful of invitee's weren't able to make it. Such is life. Ultimately, 110 out of 120 invitees actually made it to the first wedding. 28 out of 30 made it to the second. I guess it wasn't too much of a burden for most of the invitees.

Costs aside, both of my daughters weddings were in Italy and were simply amazing. We made a two week vacation out of both. As much as destination weddings are expensive for the attendees and time consuming, the best part is that you really have an opportunity to spend time with the all the guests. Everyone comes in for at least 3-4 days and you can plan multiple events (we organized a day of sailing and another day of wine tasting). We got to know virtually all of my daughters friends. Friends got to meet us and our group of friends. It was terrific. A local wedding lasts 4-5 hours and everyone goes home. Nice, but not the same as spending a few days with people.

For the record, I was not very excited when my daughters told me they wanted to do a destination wedding (for all the reasons you mentioned). In retrospect, I'm really glad they did.

 

[vikings1980]

You raise valid points, which I raised with my daughters. Keep in mind that these days, almost every wedding is a "destination wedding". People are so mobile that no matter what location you choose, people will have to travel. We live in CA...most of the family is in PA or NJ. They would have to travel even if we held a "local" wedding. Granted, traveling to CA is not as expensive or time consuming as traveling to Europe, but either way is a financial commitment. Ultimately the decision on location was theirs; I just funded the event. They understood that some invitees would not be able to handle the costs. They did make it clear that no one should feel obligated to attend. It's an invitation not a summons. A handful of invitee's weren't able to make it. Such is life. Ultimately, 110 out of 120 invitees actually made it to the first wedding. 28 out of 30 made it to the second. I guess it wasn't too much of a burden for most of the invitees.

Costs aside, both of my daughters weddings were in Italy and were simply amazing. We made a two week vacation out of both. As much as destination weddings are expensive for the attendees and time consuming, the best part is that you really have an opportunity to spend time with the all the guests. Everyone comes in for at least 3-4 days and you can plan multiple events (we organized a day of sailing and another day of wine tasting). We got to know virtually all of my daughters friends. Friends got to meet us and our group of friends. It was terrific. A local wedding lasts 4-5 hours and everyone goes home. Nice, but not the same as spending a few days with people.

For the record, I was not very excited when my daughters told me they wanted to do a destination wedding (for all the reasons you mentioned). In retrospect, I'm really glad they did.

Where in Italy?

 

[Seneca_Valley]

Standard for me is $150. Close with the family $250+

$400 Close Family
$300 Extended Family
$200 Everyone else

 

[cruzer]

Where in Italy?

First wedding was in a small town called Stresa located on Lake Maggiore. The second was in Puglia near Grottaglie.

 

[pittdan77]

Nothing like a happy ending 😁

Don't need to get married to get one of those.

 

[Pitt grad and dad]

Remember you're paying for only about 4 hours of time in one day. Had a son and daughter get married 5 & 7 years ago and the cost was about $30K for each. I offered each one half the cost in cash if they would get married in a private setting. I also threw in a dinner for immediate family afterwards. They both declined the offer. I have another daughter who said when her time comes, she'll take the cash offer.

 

[vantheman1976]

Too much. The "wedding industry" is predatory. My advice is that nobody goes into debt over it.

Yes indeed....almost as bad as the "funeral industry".

 

[vantheman1976]

Can we all just agree that kids are expensive problems and leave it at that?

On a scale of 1 to 5 I'm giving you a 10 on that comment.

 

[vantheman1976]

🙏

I have 3 daughters also...praying never helped...

 

[Slick Manager of Champs]

Remember you're paying for only about 4 hours of time in one day. Had a son and daughter get married 5 & 7 years ago and the cost was about $30K for each. I offered each one half the cost in cash if they would get married in a private setting. I also threw in a dinner for immediate family afterwards. They both declined the offer. I have another daughter who said when her time comes, she'll take the cash offer.

30K doesn't seem too crazy in this day and age.

 

[mike412]

My brother and sister-in-law own a bridal registry and gift store in Atlanta, called Fragile. One thing I give couples more credit for today is making more intelligent decisions on bridal registries. No longer does everyone register for expensive sets of china and silverware that they almost never will use.

Today, most people register for more practical every day dishes and china, good appliances, knive sets and items like that. Before it went bankrupt trying to expand way too fast, Bed Bath & Beyond had developed a good bridal registration business.

Registering for gifts to help pay for honeymoons also has become fairly big. The last wedding I was invited to, the couple was honeymooning in Lake Como, Italy and their bridal registration agency specialized in honeymoons. You could gift them a one-day payment of their hotel room or rental car, a tour while they were there, part of their airfare, etc.

 

[ChiefJusticeMarshall]

30K doesn't seem too crazy in this day and age.

Well yeah but in these days, it is a 50/50 prop that the marriage lasts more than 10 years.